AboutAlice Allen, Rev (ULC) Expertise Adoption Reunion and Reconciliation - Why? Do I matter to you? Are you safe and well? To those reaching out, these are urgent questions. I offer search guidance, information about typical/atypical consequences of reunion, and counseling to all involved parties. Please 'View Profile' for more detail.
Experience I am an Universalist minister and counselor specializing in search, reunion, and reconciliation issues. I am founder of GrannysCupboard, an ULC ministry. As a function of our ministry, GrannysCupboard assists individuals searching for missing or estranged family and community members. Confidential information provided to GrannysCupboard is not shared without explicit permission. All costs associated with search service are paid by GrannysCupboard.
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Expert: Alice Allen, Rev (ULC) Date: 1/21/2008 Subject: stepchilden that were put up for adoption
Question Hi,I'm in kind of an odd situation see my husband's ex wife put their children up for adoption a number of years ago while he was in jail.He had no choice but to sign away his rights to them since he wasnt able to care for them.this has been a huge burden on him and there isnt a day that goes by he doesnt cry for them.Fast forward to now we have a 7 month old daughter that i feel has a right to know her brothers.My husband fears they hate him and thats why he hasnt looked into finding them.As far as i know they are still in mass.my question is can I look for them? how do i begin that search and do i have any right to do so being only a stepmom.please guide me in the right direction because i don't even know where to begin.thanks
Answer Hello, Sara. Thank you for writing.
Can you look for them? Yes, and it depends. Are the adopted children now of legal age? If not, even your husband's options will be quite limited.
You could encourage your husband to contact the agency that handled the adoption. Of age or not, he has rights to some information about his children. In the state of Massachusetts, he can give written permission to release his identifying information to his children. If the adoptee (age 21, or his adoptive parents if younger) has also given written permission to release the adoptee's identifying information, the agency will give notice (30 days) and then release the information to the parties. Only the adoptee, his adoptive parents, and his biological parents are considered parties to the adoption. Typically, the agency will not release information to siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, stepparents, spouses, or others.
Also, if the adopted children are now adults, your husband (or you as his agent) could register with one or more reunion registries hoping that the adult adoptees are also registered, or will someday register. Most adoption reunions happen in one of these two ways.
If you and your husband know the current legal names of the adult adoptees, there is another simple search option. You could check the phone book or online directories for possible listings.
Sara, it is obvious to me that you love your husband and daughter very much. I am quite sure you have the best of intentions, however I want to encourage you to do some reading before jumping head-long into this. Adoption reunion can be a complicated, emotional, life-changing process.
There are many positive impacts of reunion, and a few important caveats. Online resources are available, and I would recommend you get busy with those. If you are unsure where to start, please send a follow up to this question. I will provide a short "reading list" of topics related to your specific situation, or guide you personally.
Thank you for your questions. I hope I've been some help.
