AboutRachel Expertise I can answer questions about fostering - What's it like to be a foster carer? Who to go to for help? Experiences with troubled children. Attachment problems. Leaving care. Long term fostering. Dealing with birth families. Working with schools, statements, EBD schools.
Experience My husband and I have been foster carers for over five years and we are currently long term carers for two boys. We have had one boy from the age of 9 to 14 years who is with us long term. We have done short term respite care, one year seeing a sixteen year old girl through to leaving care and long term care of another boy from age 10-11
Question my daughter is the love of my life, she is smart as a whip and spoiled and a sweet heart. but she is 2, ever since i returned from iraq i have had a worse anger and depression issue. its extrememly hard day to day to be sane with my 2 year old. she cried at the drop of a dime and throws fits and doesnt listen. i cannot take her any where or try to do something nice for her because of her behavior. i am an impatient mother to her and i am constantly spanking her, and most times to hard. i have done things to her i regret. but i am not some murderous mother or a person with no heart. i just cannot take it right now. i have to get my self together. but i cry so hard when i look at her and think about her with another family. because she is my baby! what can i do? are there family's that can take care of her temperarily? maybe for a summer or couple months? or until i get my self together?
Answer Tiffany
I am so glad that you have asked this question. You clearly love your daughter very much and want what is best for her but are having problems yourself at the moment. Asking for help is the right thing to do. Better to take the time now to get better yourself, rather than let things get worse and worse. Children at two are very demanding and if you are feeling depressed yourself, they can be a nightmare to cope with. How you feel is understandable.
You can voluntarily ask for your daughter to be put into foster care for a period and at the same time seek help for yourself. You would need to contact your local Children's Services (contact details in your phone book) and say that you are having problems and would like to talk to someone about a your daughter voluntarily going into foster care. Someone will assess your situation and your daughter would come under a voluntary care order, whilst you sort yourself out. To end the care order, you would need to show that you have addressed your problems e.g. through counselling and maybe have support from your GP to say that you are recovered and back in control.
This is much better than someone referring you to Children's Services and investigating your position and perhaps taking your daughter into care under a full care order.
So better to volunteer to do this if things are so bad, than have the situation forced upon you. Taking this step would demonstrate your love for and commitment to your daughter.
I know this is a frightening step and it is difficult to ask for help. Much easier to express your position online like this. But you have made a positive step in asking this question. Think about this over the weekend and then call Children's Services on Monday. If you are concerned about calling them, how about going to see your GP to talk through the situation. He/she will help. They will know what to do and who to contact. They will also be able to advise on where to get counselling.
Look after yourself and make time for yourself now. You deserve to take this break and it will be best for your daughter in the long run.
