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Adoption Issues/may never meet my brother

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Expert: - 3/3/2011


Question
when my mom was around 14-16 years old she had a baby and she put him up for adoption and i would like to meet him and so does my mom how could we find him

Answer
Alisia,
Thank you for your question.  Searching for an adoptee is not uncommon.  It is important to do so with sensitivity and care however as one does not know whether or not the individual wishes to be found and what reaction that individual may have.  Our recommendation is to meet with an adoption counselor or therapist to talk first through the emotions involved in such a search and the many possible scenarios that could occur and discuss how those scenarios will be handled by your mom (and you) should they occur.  For example, how will your mom react if he wishes not to meet her; if he is found and he is not what she expects; if he is ill or troubled; if he has passed away; if he wishes her to first meet his adoptive parents; if he is not identified and found; etc., etc.  
If after counseling your mom wishes to undergo a search, my first recommendation is to file with the adoption registry in the state in which he was born and placed for adoption.  Adoptees do also file with adoption registries and you never know, he may be searching too.
Second, your mom should contact the adoption agency or attorney if they are still around in writing with her desire and all of her contact information, in case he or his adoptive family has contacted them to share their desires to connect.
Finally, with as much identifying information as possible on herself, the adoptive family, her birth son's adoptive name, etc., she can look up information online via directories and social media sites.  It is a small world and connections are made everyday like this.
If all of these sources prove to be unsuccessful, there are search group that can be hired to assist.
Best wishes to you.
If you or your mom would like to speak to an adult adoptee with search experience, please feel free to call Zack at Adoption STAR at 716-639-3900.
http://www.adoptionstar.com

Adoption Issues

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Adoption STAR

Expertise

Questions related to domestic and international adoption.

Experience

22 years in the adoption field. Michele Fried is the founder and chair of Adoption STAR. Her foremost responsibilities are the implementation of strategic plans and agency growth/expansion, financial management, board partnerships and supervision of the staff. Michele has her hands full with these responsibilities as well as initiating marketing and public relation campaigns and executing and implementing policies developed by the Board of Directors.

Organizations
CAFFA, JCICS, NACAC

Education/Credentials
Before starting Adoption STAR. Michele worked as an educator in Pennsylvania and then after she and her husband adopted their first child, she entered the field of adoption. In 1989 she founded an adoption agency licensed in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Michele’s own family began to grow and they chose to return home to Western New York. Michele began working locally as an Inclusion Coordinator for individuals with developmental disabilities. As the years went by, Michele was inspired by the great need for a passionate, advocacy based, non-profit child-welfare agency in this area and so Adoption STAR was born in March of 2000! Michele is very proud of the work Adoption STAR has done and continues to do, and states she is touched by the incredible birth mothers that work with the agency.

Awards and Honors
The community-at-large has also noticed Michele and her agency. In 2003 Michele received a Business First 40 Under Forty Award and in 2004 WKBW-TV honored Michele by selecting her to be one of the community’s Everyday Heroes. The YWCA also honored Michele in 2005 by selecting her as one of twenty-six women making a difference in Western New York. In 2009 Michele was the recipient of a Business First Women of Influence Entrepreneur Award. On May 1, 2010 during the Dazzling Decade ~ A Night of Star’s 10th Birthday Gala, Michele’s own agency presented her with the First Michele Fried Founder’s Award. In the future, this award will be given annually to an individual whose contributions, expertise, and dedication to adoption mirror Michele’s.

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