Expert: Julie - 4/28/2011

Question
Ok this is the situation, I have a 16 year old female cousin that was adoped as a new born by my aunt and as I stated she's 16 now. Well my aunt is getting older and she has problems, like she needs to get hip surgery pretty soon and my 16 year old cousin is somewhat outta control for my aunt. She's being a teen,well my aunt has two of her grandkids that she also take care of and I just feel as those she need to find someone that can take my cousin. Now this is where I come in I'm 24 with a four year old of my own not adopted tho I live in VA and I have my own place starting a new job next month and I wanna adopt her if have to and bring her out her to start over and finish school on a good note. Iv asked my aunt many times if she'd just let her come stay with me let she finish high school but she say" I'm responsable for her, and if she gets sick or something happens she has to be close to me" I can understand that but my cousin isn't anything happy there an she isn't listing to her she's always out late at nights sometime not coming home for days cause my aunt can't run after her , but she listens
to me. So my question really is what should I do? Cause I don't want her to fall by the waist side in NY and I know things would be better for in VA

Answer
Hello,

Thanks for writing.  This is a really tricky question as there are two states involved which means you would need to abide by adoption laws between NY and VA.  Some states require you to be at least 25 years of age to adopt but I do not *think* Virginia is one of them.  You would need to check with an adoption attorney in your area to verify that you would meet the qualifications in your state to legally adopt your cousin.  Also, since your cousin is 16 years of age, she may be asked to consent to the adoption as well.  Do you think this is something she would want to do?  Last, your Aunt would need to sign consents allowing you to legally adopt your cousin.  That way, she really would be your responsibility.  

I would first call up an attorney or agency in your state (many will talk to you for free if you will then need their services to help you navigate through the paperwork) and ask if you are eligible to adopt.  Then, have a serious talk with your Aunt and Cousin and see if they are both on board with the plan.  I admire you greatly for wanting to step in and help get your cousin on the right path.  That really is awesome.  I hope it all works out for you.  
Take Care,
Julie