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Adoption Issues/don't want custody of my niece


When I was 20 years old I got pregnant. At the time I didn't want a baby and was going to have an abortion. My sister who was 27 years old had been having fertility issues. She was looking at the option of adoption. So I agreed to have the baby and she could have it.

The adoption was finalized. Everything has been going well over the next twelve years. I got to be an aunt, and still have a relationship with her without having to give up my life goals and dreams.

A couple weeks ago my sister and her husband were in a car accident, unfortunetly he died on impact and my sister has been in a coma. (I really miss her) My neice is currently staying with my parents. The problem is my parents want me to take on the parenting role of her because they say I am her birth mother.

I told them I didn't want to take her in because I really don't want to have children. I have a full time career and I had plans in July to go on a three month trip through out Europe. They called me selfish, and that this was my daughter. Out of anger I said that I wish I just had an abortion when I had the chance. I didn't mean it and I feel bad. I love my niece and call me selfish I don't want to be a parent. Now my parents won't talk to me, and they don't know how much longer they can take care of her because they are in there 70's and Im the only family they have left.

What should I do? I want whats best for my neice but being with me isn't whats best. Any advice?

Hi Janice

It takes strength to recognise that you are not the right person to be your niece's parent and also generosity to go through with a birth and give the child to your sister.

You are in a very difficult situation with tragic accident, which will also be affecting your parents.  I'm presuming you are in the UK.  As your niece is no longer living with your sister, the local Childrens Services department in your area should be informed as your parents are acting as Friends and Family/Kinship Carers.  They can get extra support as carers but also your niece's well-being will be considered by the social worker. The social worker will help to identify the best short and long term arrangements for your niece in relation to your sister's recovery.

At the moment I expect that everything is very emotional and subjective for the whole family.  Involving a third party (even a dreaded social worker) will help bring an objective view to the situation and will help explain your position to your parents.

See the following link on different types of kinship care

You can either contact someone from BAAF (see link to contact numbers through the kinship care page) or contact your local Children's Services team.

I hope everything works out for you and your family.

Adoption Issues

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