AboutPeter C. Winkler, CSW Expertise I have experience with adoption subsidy, the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children and variety of other adoption related matters. I hope that I can be helpful to those who are considering adoption or would like to adopt a child.
Experience I am a social worker with an MSW and I have over thirty years of experience in family and children's services. I have worked as Director of adoption services and of the Interstate Compact in a large state agency. I have also provided direct services to children and families in a preventive services program. I currently prepare adoption studies for those who are adopting domestically or internationally.
Question Wow where to begin. I'll start with a bit of background just so you know where we are at. My wife and I have been providing care of my Niece saince she was 1 year old and was apprehended by child and family services. They placed her with us while my sister was to work on her issues, (drug abuse and domestic violence). This was in July of 2002. In 2003 the agency was going to be seeking a permanet order of gaurdianship as the bio parents had failed to address their issues. We stepped in and applied and were awarded legal gaurdianship in October 2003. My niece has resided with us since and is now 5 years old. She has begun calling us mom and dad and my kids are considered her siblings.
She is aware that she has two moms and two dads as we have always supported her having a relationship with her bio parents. As she has settled with us we decided we wished to adopt. Since making this decision my sister has entered and completed a treatment program and has had another child who she is currently parenting. Child and family services breifly became reinvolved with her due to domestic violence issues in her home.
Right now she is taking us to court and is wanting more access and an eventual return of her daughter. We are oppossed to this as we still wish to adopt and feel that my niece has stabalized when she is and there is such a strong bond between her and our kids and us that moving would be detrimental to all involved.
At this point my sister has access on Saturdays and on tuesdays while dad has access on sundays. We were against giving my sister two visits a week as we feel it is quite confusing for my niece and hard for her to know where she fits in if she is constanly suffled around. We are willing to continue the saturday visit but do not want to continue with the tuesday let alone increase the visits.
In the future should my sister stabalize we would be willing to have more open access including overnights if my niece so desired how ever at this age we feel it would not assist in stabalizing her. In addition our plans are polar opposites we wish to adopt to give her a new beginning and my sister wishes for her return. the bio dad is supportive of her remaining with us however he also wants increased access. When would she have time to be at home?
All we want to do is what is best for the kids but these court battles make it difficult to remain focused. My question is this do you feel we are looking at her best interests? And how do we convince the judge that more access is premature and unsettling for the child?
Nelson
Answer To get to the heart of the matter, you are not in a very good position in this matter. As foster parents, about the only thing you can tell the judge is why you have reservations about the mother increasing her contact with the child. While you would like to adopt your niece, she isn't legally free for adoption; she is in foster care temporarily with the plan to return her to her mother. That will probably happen unless the mother relapses or it can be demonstrated that she does not properly care for your niece when she has her.
My advice would be to try to work with your sister so that if the child is returned to her you can be in a better position to monitor her care. If you have concrete reasons why your sister shouldn't be caring for the child, let the judge know them. That is about all you can do at this point.
Remember, you are not in a position where you can legally adopt your niece right now (or to talk about it).
