AboutPeter C. Winkler, CSW Expertise I have experience with adoption subsidy, the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children and variety of other adoption related matters. I hope that I can be helpful to those who are considering adoption or would like to adopt a child.
Experience I am a social worker with an MSW and I have over thirty years of experience in family and children's services. I have worked as Director of adoption services and of the Interstate Compact in a large state agency. I have also provided direct services to children and families in a preventive services program. I currently prepare adoption studies for those who are adopting domestically or internationally.
Question my daughter was adopted at age 2...she is diagnosed ODD or now, Conduct disorder...she is 16 1/2...she lives in a group home becuz of her legal and emotional problems...becuz she is adopted my husband has always felt sorry for her and becuz of this and becuz she creates quite a fuss if she doesn't get her way he has always been much more lenient on her than with our other 2 children who are biological and do not cause problems...i am always her scapegoat upon whom she focuses her anger even if she is angry at her father or someone else...she seldom expresses anger to her father...if her father and i are discussing her and i say something negative he doesn't want to hear it and if i say something positive he is so busy looking for the negative that he doesn't hear anything good that i said...anything i ask that might conflict with what she wants is ignored (ex. i asked if he could scedule his visits with her on a regular basis and then put it on a calendar so i would know when he would be away...he refused becuz he didn't want to be held to anything in case she changed her mind...he asked if i prefered he visit on sat or sun and i replied "sun---i consider sat. our day"...so the next 5 visits he planned were on sat.)...i don't know how to resolve my relationship with my child; she does not plan to live at home again...nor do i know how to make my hsb. wake up...i am searching for a chat room for parents of problem adolescents..."toughlove" has closed down theirs...i am tired of crying...p.s. i, too, am adopted, but was never anything like this child
Answer Hi-
I think that the best way torespond to what you wrote is to encourage you to find a good counselor or therapist and discuss these issues with him or her. Try to get your husband to attend also and focus on how both of you can help your daughter. I don't think chat rooms are the answer as the people who respond may no be qualified to respond to you and that format is too disjointed. You need to find someone you can go to on an ongoing basis to help with these issues.
Good luck!
