About IDA HUTCHERSON Expertise What are my options? How do I deal with an uncooperative birth father? What rights do the birth parents have? What is involved in an open adoption? How will I live with my decision afterward? How do I find the right adoptive family? What would Jesus want me to do when I find myself in a crisis pregnancy?
Experience Placed a child for open adoption in 2001 and it was the best thing I've ever done. I could have used someone like me to talk to. My approach to unplanned pregnancy is Christ-based and I would love to help those in need.
Organizations I am a speaker for Bethany Christian Adoption Agency and an advocate for adoption rights, etc.
Expert: IDA HUTCHERSON Date: 11/26/2004 Subject: what should happen to my daughter
Question Hi,
I am very confused as to what I should expect for my daughter's future and which direction to take.
It is important to say that by no means did the father properly behave during the time he had to prepare and take care of our daughter, Summer.
He cheated on me, lied to me, and could not deal with himself or life. I know he is caring and loving, yet honestly, I do not see his ability to understand what he should be doing as a father.
Our daughter was placed in a family out of state when she was 6mo. She is now only 8months, and he wants her back. He was chose not to know the whereabouts of Summer and I. When given the opportunity to discuss the matter, he was overreactive and couldn't give me an answer. Unfortunately, I had no time to waste. Money was too tight, and her future was at risk. A couple weeks later, he finally wants to know. ( By this point, he has disconnected his phone, and not attempted to have contact-with the excuse that he didn't want "to argue") He wants to marry me now and get her back. Her family now is wonderful, and I'm not truly convinced that he deserves to have her back. He has financial support to fight the case, but wht options do I have to either help her stay there, or be with me? There hasn't even been a hearing in New Jersey yet, although, the father is requesting her presence for a paternity test before the "placement hearing" even occurs...I need to know what are the options of getting her back before this goes any further, and if I didn't want her to leave her family now, what can I do to protect her?
I really appreciate your time helping me with this situation. I have no one to really help.
Thank you.
Rachel A Esperes
Answer Hello Rachel,
Thank you for entrusting me with such a weighty matter. I know things must seem overwhelming right now and I will first off pray that the Lord gives you comfort and strength during this time.
Were any adoption papers signed by you and the father? I know when I placed my son I had ten days from the time the final papers were signed to change my mind and then once that period was up there were no actions I could take to get him back. The law is pretty clear about adoption nowadays, be it right or wrong. I am sure you thought long and hard about your decision to place her in the first place before you went through with it. The main thing to impart to the father is what is best for your daughter. Missing her and wanting her for "his own" do not make him the right place for her to be. Sounds like there is more at play here than just the baby anyway. How do you feel about him? Do YOU want to be back with him? I have been just where you are and I can honestly say the only one to make the right decision for you and those you love is you - and you alone. I wish I could be of more assistance, but this is a tricky one. If you want to give me more specific information I will be glad to research what your options are legally. Take care and know that I am thinking of you!
