Expert: Chim Hedo - 10/31/2008

Question
Last weekend it was my husband's birthday, he wanted to go to Live Oak Resort which is a nudist resort.  Well I have been before. It is very relaxing and serene. I have known that he wanted to experiment and have sex with another couple for several years now. I explained to him that I do not want this in our marriage. Live Oak had a Halloween party and I got so drunk, I really didn't know what I was doing. I would have followed him to burn someone's house down. As it turned out we ended up having sex with another couple we didn't know. It really makes me angry because I feel that I wasn't able to make a coherent decision in the first place. He watched me having unprotected sex with this woman's husband with whom we did not know. I am really angry because I could have been exposed to a number of things, we didn't know this couple. I had to think about this for a few days, because I wanted to say this just right when I confronted him. Most of the night was a blur, and I only remember fragments. He told me that I looked like I was enjoying myself, and that I really didn't have the right to feel the way i do and that I was contradicting myself. I am really angry because I feel that this should have been a clear decision on my part, if I wanted to participate. Do u agree or am I wrong?

Answer
Hi Kathy!!  
  Amazing what liquid courage can do.  It's really not my place to agree with you, or tell you that you are wrong.  Most positive experiences with another couple, are based on a clear decision. This one wasn't and as you can see from your feelings, the whole experience wasn't positive.  The fact remains it happened. You didn't specify whether or not your husband was as drunk as you. It doesn't sound like he forced you into the situation either.
 You commented that you had been to this nudist resort before.  Were you aware situations like this could be present?  I would think Halloween at a nudist resort would be pretty much an open invitation for experimental sex. I don't think you can hold your husband responsible for what happened, unless he held you down and poured the drinks into you. Who are you angry with, yourself? or him?
 Don't beat yourself up over this.  It happened.  There is nothing you can do to change that.  I do suggest you go to a clinic or doctor for STD and/or pregnancy tests.  Unprotected sex with a stranger can be life threatening these days.
  I don't like to use the word "confronted".  It sounds like a fighting word.  How about communicate instead. Communicate to him that you gave him one hell of a birthday present, whether or not you did willingly is in the past, and you really probably don't no the answer to that.  Now he owes you one!