Expert: Chim Hedo - 10/26/2008

Question
My wife and I have been married for 15 years and have a solid relationship. we are able to admit what celebrities we find sexy and even are able to tell each other about some random stranger we find hot. In my early 20's I admit i had a slight jealous streak. nothing external really just got moody when i let the green eyed monster enter my head. to be candid there was a time we separated and had sexual relationships with other partners. that was more than 10 years ago. we shared our experiences and formed a great relationship afterward. i have grown very comfortable in my sex life and find my wife very sexy even when she doesn't feel so sexy. a few years i had a really vivid sexual dream of swapping and even watched porn involving couples. it intrigued me. I brought it up and it lead to some fun fantasy filled sex (Just us) but she said she would have to just be at the right place at the right time for her to really know if she wanted to do it. she said she found the idea "Interesting"
 Recently we have been invited to our an adult masquerade party by my wife's cousin. we both know that her cousin is bi sexual. she is married but we only suspect a swinger lifestyle with no real confirmation. her cousin stated that the party is going to be real wild and to leave all sense of prudishness at home. I was even told someone is expected to come nude with body paint.
  My wife and I joked around one day about sex and she asked me if she gave me permission will i sleep with another woman. i was very aroused and joked with her that i would if she joined in. the joke is that she is not interested in bi sex. but i wonder if this is a invitation for swapping. since then she has thrown very subtle hints that that might be a option.
  I know that the first thing is to have a candid talk with her on what i would like to do but i just don't know how? i am very comfortable with swapping as long as i have sex as well. i see it as like going to a nice restaurant and making sure we both get a great dinner. how should i approach her in asking her for this lifestyle in a way that is more concrete and not some fantasy speak. I know she loves me very much and I have no fear of her wanting to leave me for another person. she even said so on many occasion. But i think she, like myself, would like the fun of having fun without the fear of repercussion.
  To share what i want to you the expert is this: i want to have sex with other couples with her present. in other words we both have sex at the same time. I do not want to have sex with other woman if she isn't at least in the same building as i am. I know i would resent it if she went out had sex while i was home alone. i don't know if there is a lifestyle lingo for what i want but i think there might be.
  If something might happen at this party then i will be all for it but let's say that this party is not that kind of party and is simple a conventional "get drunk and dance" social affair with clear boundaries on couples remaining monogamous then that's cool and i will have fun regardless, but then how can i introduce us to the lifestyle in a mutual respectful way? if says yes and leaves it to me to set it up what do i do?

Answer
Well Orlando sounds like you and your wife are on the same page, and ready for the next step!!
  In our early 20's and early relationships, we all have that jealous streak.  It's not until we have reached a maturity with ourselves,our partners, and our relationships that the green eyed monster leaves.  It sounds like with what you have been through, your marriage has reached this level.  If you can both talk about your fantasies, and have great sex because of them, imagine the fulfillment of living them out!!
  A masquerade party would be the perfect place to start!! You can both hide behind masks, no one will no who you are, you can become "another person"  This really makes it a "no pressure" night.
(Funny, my Halloween costume this year is just body paint!!) As far as being wild, go in with an open mind and if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you can always sneak out the back door, but I'm guessing you are both going to be very aroused after attending, regardless if something happens between you and others or not.  A lot of people attend lifestyle events and NEVER partake of anything.  It's just a very sexually charged atmosphere, and makes for great foreplay for them.  
  She has expressed a desire to look into this further.  Have you guys looked at any websites together on swapping?  There is a wealth of information out there.  There is also many types of swapping.  You are interested in "full swap, same room".  That's the swingers lingo for it!!
 You have really answered your own question.  A candid talk is where it starts.  Her response to "be in the right place at the right time" is how many start in the lifestyle, including having a bi experience.  You won't no if the masquerade party is the right place or right time unless you go!!!!  If it's not, it will at least open a door for you with your conversation.  What did you or didn't you see, how did it make you feel? The party will also give you a chance to meet other couples that were newbies once too.
  You have to ask each other things like, why do you want to have sex with someone else? What does sex involve? Soft swap, full swap, separate room, same room, only play together.  These are boundaries that you have to discuss with each other, once you are both comfortable with the idea that.... hey we just might do this.
  Go the the party with an open mind, and not with the intent to sleep with anyone that night except your partner.  There will be teasing, and flirting, and maybe even open sex.  From there, you will have lots to talk about!!! Good luck, let me no how it goes!!
Chim