Expert: Chim Hedo - 11/19/2008

Question
Hi...i know this is a delicate topic because there is such a small % of couples with an open minded attitude and lifestyle.

This guy is from the french part of belgium. he is not completely closeminded-straight( he's being into nudist beaches and wild parties before, but as a single man)

In my previous experieces, me and my partner were active swingers but only in a selected circle of friends.

Starting the relationship with this new guy i explained and openly talked about these experiences(obviously not presenting myself as an experienced full swap of course...dint want to scare him off haha)
He showed no major reaction and also offered to come to a SW halloween party last month that i was helping my friends to organize....

Being in a latin country( closed minded) to our surprise, there were lots of fun people and they DID get into heavy heavy action.  we just watched and left kind of early. he was tense and so did I.
At this point i was VERY happy that al least we came and met this new friends...even though we were passive members.

After that we spoke about it. He was shocked to see those many couples having practicly an orgy right in front of everyone( i know i know,maybe that was not as SOFT as i would have wantend for him to experience in our first exposure) but anyway.....
He also mentioned that he would not enjoy to see his wife involved with any man( at least he gave me a tip, which is great)

anyway... for me is just fun to be around open minded friends, even if we dont fully participate but i cant resist to ask you if there is any tip you can give me to bring him in this ambiance, without major shock to him.....

I do believe that if your relationship is mature and strong... having episodes of  sw do not change the essence of your relationship if its managed as a game , an option that you do once in a while i complete complicity, as a team.

i would greatly appreciate any sugestions..... I do care about this guy but i must admit that the spice that brings those type of adventures once in a while are very important to me after what i lived with my past experience. It only got things better! believe it or not!

regards.

Sam


Answer
Hi Sam
    Seems from what he was exposed to at the Halloween party might have already a major shock to him.  I hope for your sake you haven't completely scared him off.  
    Perhaps you need to explain more about the lifestyle to him.  Let him no the varying degrees of it.  For as you said, it's more fun to be around open-minded people, regardless of whether or not any sex takes place.  One form of the lifestyle is people that just attend events and clubs because of the sexually charged atmosphere, it makes for great foreplay.  
    You didn't mention if you two had great sex that night after he witnessed the other couples.  Did it turn him on or off?  
    Start with being frank about your past experiences in the lifestyle, and the reasons for it.  
    Don't forget his upbringing and moral issues may be much different than yours, some vanilla people will always be vanilla.  You also didn't say how long you have been together.  Give him a chance to get to no you first.
Chim