AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Question I have been officially a swinger for only about three months, after having to seek more exciting sex outside my marriage. I have only attended two parties so far, but I consider both experiences disasters. The first party took place in a small motel room with a maximum 4:13 F-M ratio throughout the evening. The entire scene was intense, and was little more than a gangbang. I was unable to get an erection and could only give the women (one of whom is a friend who got me into the community) oral sex and hand jobs. Meanwhile all the other men in the room were able to penetrate and give the women screaming orgasms. I felt like I was on an assembly line. Afterward, I freaked out because of my inability to perform (which had never happened before in my life) and probably the shock of what I'd seen. After much reassurance from my friend and the other ladies there, I was able to recover and look forward to the next party, where I'd have a chance to redeem myself.
That chance came recently. Same city; different, nicer and roomier venue. The ratio was better: 7:9 F-M (including my friend and myself) and the scene was less intense. Once again, however, I found myself limp, unable to penetrate and only able to watch in awe and envy as the other men performed magnificently. To make matters worse, I was only able to touch two ladies that were at the previous party while the other women either refused me outright or ignored me totally.
I should say at this point that my previous sexual experiences were under far more controlled conditions, with just me and a partner, with time for long foreplay and relaxation.
This is really bothering me. I've always wanted to attend such parties, but I'm unable to perform. I'm starting to feel like less than half a man. Is lack of performance and mental shock a common occurrence for newbie swingers or could something else be going on? I'm too afraid to ask anyone else in the community and my friend thinks I'm simply whining. Please help.
Answer M,
You state 'after having to seek more exciting sex outside my marriage'. My first question to you is are you still in that marriage? Does your spouse know about your swinger status?
Second, I am not a medical expert so I can not answer your questions about any physical issues, I would strongly suggest talking to a qualified physician about those.
Third, my husband does not/did not experience this nor have any of the folks we've 'partied' with either. You might try a smaller group.
I also need to refer you to definitions of swinging:
From Wiki ~ "Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sexual activity with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual. These acts can occur in the same room (often called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging does occur. On these occasions, swingers will often refer to sex as play."
From NASCA ~ "What is Swinging?
Swinging is social and sexual intercourse with someone other than your mate, boyfriend or girlfriend, excepting the traditional one-on-one dating. It may be defined as recreational social sex. The activity may occur at a swing party, a couple-to-couple encounter, a liason, or with a third person in a threesome. Though single men and women are involved, it is primarily an activity of couples."
Finally, if you are still in that marriage I would STRONGLY suggest including your wife in this conversation, you might be pleasantly surprised. Partying along side her may be just what you both need.
Good Luck & let me know if you have any further questions,
Analisa
