AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Question I am a 40 year old guy in good health, my wife is 32 and very attractive, we have a very good relationship and sex as always been wonderful, but the problem is, I have this uncontrollable desire to let my wife have sex with another man!. For some weird twisted reason it turns me on to the point of setting up the arrangement myself so I can even watch her do it. I told her about my sexual desire to let her have sex with another man and asked her if she thinks I am out of my mind or if I am a bad husband, and she told me “No it doesn't make you a bad husband. It just seems to be something that you enjoy and are okay with doing, letting me have sex with other men, so why not indulge in something we both clearly enjoy”
So, she clearly likes the Idea of having sex with another man or maybe she just likes the thought of being able to do it if she wants to, but up to this point in our marriage she hasn’t done it just flirting. She loves coming home from a night out partying and telling me while we are having sex, who she has been flirting with, she told me a few times she did come close to having sex with other men but the timing was not right there was always someone there to interrupt and I get this incredible sexually high feeling from this.
The big problem is this goes against my moral values, I have always tried to be a good husband and father to my children and I don’t want ruin that relationship by doing something stupid. I have often ask myself what do I stand to gain from letting my wife have sex with another man , and the only reason I can come up with is to satisfy my incredible lustful desire. Is this NORMAL? Am I addicted to sex? Maybe there is something physically wrong with me. Maybe I have too much testosterone, is there something I can do to decrease my sex drive or should I just enjoy the ride? I would appreciate your thoughts on this matter.
Answer William,
Since you are asking this question of someone who is an active member of the swinging lifestyle instead of your preacher or pastor, I am gonna guess that you have already decided what you want the answer to be.
First I will answer your other questions:
~ Is this NORMAL? Once I find a clear definition of NORMAL I will let you know. What I see as normal, many others would condemn me for.
~ Am I addicted to sex? I truly doubt it, most sex addicts are more concerned with a constant level of instant gratification and are completely controlled by that. Where as you have enough fore thought to even ask the question.
~ Maybe there is something physically wrong with me? I am not a physician and can not answer that statement. I would guess that you are physically just fine.
~ Maybe I have too much testosterone, is there something I can do to decrease my sex drive or should I just enjoy the ride? WHY!!!!! Why would you want to change who you are?
I would strongly suggest you two build a profile together and post it on a swinger website (swappernet.com or clubforeplay.com (tell them you were referred by 2Tall4Fun) or adultfriendfinder.com, just to name a few). Then you can get to know the folks in your area, maybe go to a party with like minded people and maybe fulfill your fantasies (both yours & hers). The GREAT thing about folks in the Lifestyle are they are very helpful & understanding. Everyone was a newbie once. I would also suggest that you & your wife sit down & discuss some ground rules for any interactions & be really clear with each other as to what you want/expect to happen.
