AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Expert: Analisa Date: 4/20/2008 Subject: Re: Jealousy with swinging
Question Hi. My husband and i are trying swinging and we found a couple that is almost perfect. We all get along as friends and then there are the benefits. I was fine in the beginning but as time progresses, I develop these "issues". We exchange text messages and IM with them a lot and until recently have been hanging out with them every weekend. Recently, every little stupid thing bothers me. I read through the text messages they exchange and have a problem with what is being said, even though the guy and i have exchanged more graphic messages. I get upset seeing him with her and constantly imagine him with her, enjoying it more than with me. My husband is so tired of having to deal with this - I don't blame him! He just wants us all to be able to enjoy ourselves and I really want that too but I can't get over these feelings. Now the guy has reduced to practically no communication outside of when we are all together while the wife is sending my husband photos of herself. HELP PLEASE!!
Answer Sam,
It is time for you & your husband to step back and focus on the important relationship, you two. Until the two of you get EVERYTHING resolved, swinging is not for you. You two need to look at what is upsetting you so much. Set some ground rules. Maybe stop with all the text messaging & IM and keep to only what the two of you do TOGETHER.
Here are some questions you need to think about:
1. What are you afraid of?
2. What are you afraid is going to happen?
3. Do you trust your husband?
4. Where is the jealousy coming from?
5. Why is your value of yourself so low?
I know these are hard questions but, they are very necessary. You need to understand the answers to these questions more than anyone else. This way you can communicate your fears & concerns to your husband so the two of you can work through this.
I hope this helps, please let me know if you have any further questions.
