AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Expert: Analisa Date: 4/4/2008 Subject: To please my swinging BF
Question QUESTION: I tired swinging with my live in boy friend a year ago. I didn't like being with woman and some men were not my style but my bf loved it as forplay and sometimes i did too.. I moved out a year ago across the country back west where im from becuase he got turned off to me becuase i didnt want to swing like when i first met him..it was all so new, even though i did love some men..My question is we are still in love, he is coming to visit me...I want to please him but not get so upset by swinging. Id like to try again but how can i please him and be true to myself? I felt upset that he didnt want me first, he said all of it was for me & i didnt understand where he was coming from..I need sex so bad and enjoy him more than anyone ever...help?
ANSWER: Deva,
If swinging is not for you then you should not do it just to please someone else. The most important person to be honest with is yourself. If he is the right one for you he will appreciate you all the more for your honesty. Don't let ANYONE pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.
Hope this helps,
Analisa
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QUESTION: Thanks Analis...Lisa is my real name..lol..how cool..one more thing...how can i get him to give me more attention first or how can i tell him i need more attention at swingers clubs, then i might feel more free...we fought alot because i felt he wasn't sensitive to my needs...or i got jealous...he really only wanted to touch womans breasts a little..i was the one doing the sex..i just want to start over but not feel so pushed..any ideas? thanks so much!
Answer Lisa,
I can only suggest that the two of you talk, ALOT. Sit down with him & paint him a picture with words. Try getting him to truly understand your feelings.
Here is an example: "(his name) how would you feel if we went to a club/party together and then I spent the evening talking to other people, flirting with other people and basically ignoring you, even though it was a special occasion like your birthday? Then at the end of the night I come back to you like you are my consolation prize cause I couldn't get something better? How would that make you feel?"
After he tells you how he would feel if it is very similar to how it made you feel then you tell him "That is how I felt when we were at the clubs".
Then it is very important to tell him what you DO want & how you DO want him to act. Guys really need things spelled out very clearly. They cannot figure this out from telling them what we DON'T want or how we DON"T want to feel.
Remember throughout all of this you are responsible for how you feel & how you react to any given situation. So make certain he really understands.
I have actually told my husband "No, I am feeling rushed/pushed into this and I am not ready." Also when we first got into the Lifestyle the club we went to had a Newbie orientation, where they explained that the women need to set the tone/pace and that was the path to successful participation.
Hope this helps, let me know if you have any further questions.
