Expert: Analisa - 4/24/2008

Question
Hi Anita:
we currently have a pretty awkward situation and not sure what should we do? We are a typical east indian married couple and married for 5 years. Our neighbour, another east indian couple, is our closest friend. In fact, me and my neighbour's wife were in the same class during our school days. My husband and her husband were also school buddies and used to share a same dorm. We take vacation together, go to movie together, even we purchased home together next to one another.
In the recent days, my friend ( the neighbour's wife) started making odd comments - such as how do we have sex, how they make love, penis size etc. Even, during the most recent vacation, we offered us to take a 4 bed hotel room instead of 2 double rooms. When I asked my husband about this, he also told me that his friend (the neighbour) also started making comments similar to this.
Now, the fact is that I love my friend so much (she is my best buddy), I do not mind if she have sex with my husband. To me, I would feel jealous if the girl is someone else other that my friend. The same is true for my husband also that he will not mind me having sex with his buddy. In fact, we fantasise sometime about this.
Now my question is:
a) Are they trying to signal something to us? Both of the couples us are in-experienced and do not know anything about swinging. We don't want to send wrong response to them and lose our friendship. If yes, how should I tell her that? Just bring the topic and tell her that let's go for a swing.
b) While googling, I have found that many people are advising not to have swing with your close friend or neighbour. But, in this case, they are not just our neighbour but also our closest friend.

Please advise what you would do if you were in my situation?

Thanks !
Geetha


Answer
Geetha & Mohan,

I would strongly suggest the two of you discuss this first. Imagine what would the worst case scenario be? Can you live with that if
a) You bring up swinging & they are offended, horrified or shocked
or
b) The four of you start swinging & things get "weird" and somebody wants to break it off & the four of you end up as not even friends.

Here is something else to think about, why not ask your friend when she makes the unusual comments this question "What made you ask that?" or "What are you thinking?" They may then initiate the conversation that leads to swinging.

Lastly, if all of you are as close as you say, be certain before the four of you get into anything, that you set clear ground rules. If the four of you can get everything out in the open BEFORE sex, then you have the definite possibility of creating something VERY special. In the U.S. we call this "Friends with benefits".

Good Luck & let me know how things work out,
Analisa