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About Analisa
Expertise
Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience
Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations
NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials
Both of us are college educated professionals.
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Alternative Relationship Styles > Adult Swinging > need a little help
Expert: Analisa
Date: 5/12/2008
Subject: need a little help
Question
QUESTION: Hey,
I saw you posted an answer to another girls question and I kinda really need assistance. I have been fooling around with this guy for a couple of months. We are nothing more than fuck buddies, he has a gf. I know its bad news bears. He has been really pushing a threesome with two guys. I don't know what this would consist of, the actual act. I am kinda interested but at the same time extremely uncomfortable. Got any advice? Please help.
ANSWER: JJ,
Please first understand I have no judgement one way or another about someone else's lifestyle choices. How can just fuck buddies be bad news? Unless somewhere you are hoping it becomes more, then you are confused about 'nothing more than fuck buddies'.
MFM threesomes usually consist of two guys simultaneously penetrating one woman. This can consist of vaginal/oral, vaginal/anal or both vaginal at the same time.
I Googled 'Double Penetration' and found several links including Wikipedia definitions. You might want to check this search on Yahoo too.
As far as the uncomfortable part I would need to know what is making you uncomfortable to be able to assist in this area.
Hope this helps, let me know if you have any further questions.
Analisa
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Analisa,
First let me thank you for responding so quickly. I said that fuck buddies is bad news because that is all I keep hearing from outside parties. Aren't your gal pals supposed to support you? My friends keep putting down what I am doing and the way I choose to live my life. This is part of the reason I feel uncomfortable. They make me feel like a slut for sleeping with anyone outside a relationship. So I have my reservations about this because of that.
I also have my reservations because I am quite new to some things and well, some of them are still a bit painfull so I was kinda scared about that. But after your help with the searches I am a little more comfortable about that aspect.
The other part was not knowing the people, but that was his fault for not explaining that we would meet up for drinks prior to anything. So I am kinda ok on that part now.
So I am pretty ok with everything now, except how I view it and no one can fix that, but I really wanted to thank you for your help! Your awesome!
Thanks,
JJ
Answer
Dear JJ,
First things first, do NOT let anyone else make you feel bad about your life choices. Have you tried explaining to them that while their life choices are working for them, that they are just not for you? Then I would also mention that if they were truly friends then they would be supportive of your choices, as they are working for you. Otherwise you may need to find true friends who can be FRIENDS.
Once you realize you have total control about how you 'feel' then no one else can MAKE you feel any certain way. It isn't your friends making you feel uncomfortable or making you feel like a slut. It is your response to what they say. Choose to be strong in your convictions. You have chosen a lifestyle that is outside of the comfortable and accepted 'Mainstream'. Your friends level of discomfort is to be expected. They want you to conform and do what is expected of you. Be certain that this is what you want & let them know that this is YOUR choice and you would appreciate either support of your choices or silence on their part.
Lastly, I am glad I was able to help. Be certain you are totally comfortable with what you want to do and don't let ANYONE push you into doing something you don't want, not your girlfriends OR your fuck buddy.
Good Luck & let me know if you have any further questions.
Analisa
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