Expert: Analisa - 6/19/2008

Question
My question is that my husband and I are looking in to possibly bringing another woman in to the bedroom. i have no problem with this as I have been with another woman before but i am hiesitant because he is wanting to have sex with her and not just watch. I am not at all interested in being with another man. Im just confused as to why he would want to physically have sex with her and not just watch what is going on.

Answer
K,

I would STRONGLY urge you to ask him just that question. Be prepared before you do to not get mad, angry, jealous or any of the other stuff we women are taught to do.

Here is why:
1. If you want him to be honest, you can't make him the bad guy for telling you the truth.
2. If you want your marriage to move to a new level of development you need to understand that him being HONEST with you and him FEELING safe in his honesty is more important than anything else.
3. When you tell him how something makes you feel do NOT say "You make me feel . . . " try instead using words like "When (this) happens, I feel . . ."  You are the only person responsible for how you feel.

Oh and the short answer to "why he would want to physically have sex with her and not just watch what is going on" is he's a guy . . . They are genetically coded to have sex, as much as possible with as many females as possible to continue their DNA. Whereas women are genetically coded to try to keep the men faithful to be around to help provide for and protect the babies.

Hope this helps, let me know if you have any further questions.

Analisa