AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Expert: Analisa Date: 6/7/2008 Subject: Started swinging but where does it stop?
Question My fiance and I started initially at looking for 3somes with another girl to join us as an FFM. That turned me on more than the thought of having MMF. Our first experience was great and there was no sign of jealousy whatsoever. Our next experience was with another couple but only soft swing and once again it was a very positive experience. I was really attracted to the girl more than the man which worked well. I drew the line at swapping partners for intercourse as I still want that to be something my future husband and I will keep for ourselves. However, I am not sure where the future lies with this. It is incredibly addicitive so much so that my partner spends every evening looking for more meets. I myself am very turned on by it all but sometimes feel there needs to be a reality check. I can't imagine how soft swinging will suffice for too long. I guess our animal instincts make us always crave more. That's where my concerns lie. I blame myself for making my partner so obsessed with other women as I have allowed his fantasies to come true. Swinging has made us closer but at the same time I think it's taking over our lives. I would like to start a family soon and do not want to continue swinging once we have kids and I guess my deepest concern is that now that I have started it how can expect it all to stop. Surely my partner will feel like I've snatched away the candy I gave him!! Do we end up feeling disatisfied because we had it so good and then it's back to basics....will this then lead to infidelity?? These are my concerns. I would just like to know how other couples have handled this. Thanks
Answer Lucy,
I would suggest starting with honesty. Tell your fiance how you feel about his 'obsession' for the next 'hook-up'. Discuss your feelings about starting a family. Ask him about when & how you two will stop. Explain that maybe you feel the need to take a step back. I would also discuss your concern about future infidelity.
Can you marry this person and have children with him if the two of you can not discuss these things now?
Remember to start the discussion with how you feel and stay away from blaming him for your feelings.
