Expert: Analisa - 7/31/2008

Question
Hi there

I have spoken to many ppl about this - my partner of 5 months told me in the beginning of our relationship that while in the navy he took up swinging.  He knows what i am like and i told him under NO circumstances would i ever attend such a party, and he told me he knew that and he didnt think i would approve, thats why he wanted to be open with me.  He told me he went with a f*ck buddy friend when he lived interstate, never a girlfriend (they all werent into it either!). We have spoken of marriage and children and he told me he would never have pursued this relationship knowing what im like, so he knows he would have to give it up.  My question is.....once a swinger, ALWAYS A SWINGER ?  Hes told me he has lived out ALL his fantasies and isnt harbouring anything.  Will he want to go back to it ?  He got out of the navy because he wanted a stable lifestye and to settle down.  Would one girl ever be enough ???  Melise, please help ! I love him dearly and i know he loves me dearly.  I worry about this a lot.

Answer
Dear Melise,

Unfortunately I doubt if I can be of any real help in this situation. No-one can determine if another person will or will not desire to return to the LifeStyle.

This is a conversation you really need to have with him and it is a situation that you need to face up to now. He has been honest with you and told you about his past. Have you been honest with yourself in knowing what his interests are? What will happen to you if this is something he just can't let go of? How much are you wanting him to change to become the "ideal" husband that you are looking for? Is this how you want to start a long-term relationship?

I would STRONGLY suggest you two sit down & have an honest, open & very frank conversation with each other regarding your worries and concerns. Be prepared to hear that he may not be able to say what you want to hear. What will you do if that happens? This is the decision you need to make BEFORE your conversation.

Hope this helps,
Analisa