Expert: Analisa - 7/23/2008

Question
I have been dating someone for almost a year who has been in the lifestyle for several years.  I knew about this from the beginning, but it didn't seem to be something that was a must have initially.  Now it has become an issue and he is wanting me to test the waters.  I'm not completely against the idea, but my upbringing has completely conditioned me that this is wrong and that he should be satisfied just with me.  I have experimented with threesomes before, but not while in a committed relationship.  The emotional part and being able to handle seeing him with someone else is what concerns me. He tells me it's just sex, but I wonder if the emotions will cross at some point.  I would appreciate tips and perspective from another woman in the lifestyle. Thanks!

Answer
Stacey,

You should not allow yourself to be "pressured" into doing ANYTHING you don't want to, regardless of what it is.

All of my successful experiences in the LifeStyle are from a commitment of marital relationship. So I may not be the best person to discuss this with.

In my experience with MARRIED couples in the LifeStyle the level of commitment to each other is stronger than the fleeting moments of interactions with other people.

You might want to do a bit more research into exactly what swinging is about, also find out why your boyfriend wants back into the LifeStyle at this point in your relationship. What is motivating this?

The last thing I can tell you is sex in the LifeStyle is just that, sex. It is not confused with emotions and is not about "cheating with permission". Most participants in the LifeStyle have a satisfying and committed relationship that fulfills the emotional needs and they participate in the LifeStyle for the added spice in the bedroom (and NOT because there is something missing or lacking at home). It is sex for recreation.

I hope this helps,
Analisa