Expert: Leesa - 1/27/2009

Question
Context: Hi, my partner and I have been together 5 years now. I have a
toddler and he 3 kids from prior marriage. We are long term couple. Love and
care for each other very much. I am bisexual, been in lesbian relationships 10
yrs before meeting partner. I am happy feeling bisexual. But have not
indulged my needs. He is supportive of my sexuality. I have kissed a friend of
friend F a couple of time out dancing but not sex with another girl. This is
what I am seeking. In past I have had 3 threesomes. FFM, FFM and FFF. None
were that satisfying- the fantasy much better. I have explored abit and my
partner never has. He is leading the quest to want to swing. We went to a
swingers once when I was 8 mth pregnant- my hormones were not out there
to go for it. I went cause I supported his need to explore. Both of us never
had done exploring or sex with many people in our younger yrs, more me
than him. Now he wants to really try out couple swinging. I fantasies about
this much. Yet I do not have as much of a desire for this. I am in need of FF
intimacy, may lead to some play, occassionally. He not want to have full on
sex with another women on his own. He thinks it unfair if I want to have FF
for my bi needs. I know its hard for a straight guy to accept his girlfriend
want some FF satisfaction. He has low sex drive and not the creative type
sexually. I have high drive and am always initiating creativity and fun. He
reason for swinging is bored, want fun. I should be bored I don`t get it much
from him. We have discussed- he would like more intimacy with me then
penetration sex- fair enough. So my issue is. Yes, I am happy to swing with
another couple- but I worry boundaries may get blurry and I don`t want this
to ruin our relationship. He thinks by swinging I will get more sex as it will
increase his sex drive- really, is that a gurantee. He has not bi interest
himself. As much as I love guys getting it on. I don`t really care much to
swing, I guess I just want FF play sometimes. He does not want to miss out on
all the fun and sees couple swinging a safe option. I don`t want another guy
to penetrate me with penis, he does not want to penetrate another girl with
penis and I could not stand seeing him pash another girl- I know I would
struggle to cope with that. So is swinging for us?

Answer
Hi there thanks for your question.
Swinging: is it for you.
Yes: Is my answer, you dont have to have sex with others to swing.
It is not all about sex, but about exploring eachother and your boundries and your sexual desires.
This does not have to mean having sex with others or playing with others in the environment.
An awful lot of couples actually never play at our club, they come along to get away from the stresses of everyday life and to mingle and chat with other adults in the same frame of mind as them.
They watch and they fondle eachother and then they go home and have great sex.
Boundries are important and you should NEVER stray from your rules and what you choose to do on the night you attend.
So can i suggest you go to a club together. tell eachother what you are feeling all night long, sort out what your boundries are and talk all night long. Watch and mingle and maybe some girl play for you if the occassion arrises, and steictly keep it to that.
You watch just how turned on your hubby will get and i am sure his mojo will return to YOU. You see it doesnt matter about anyone else but you 2, and if you playing with another girl, while the partners look on does it for the both of YOU then how can that be a bad thing.
Let me know please what your thoughts are and i hope i have helped you to feel comfortable with your hubby in exploring and keeping that spark flying throughout your journey through life.