Expert: Analisa - 2/26/2009

Question
hello,
i'mma start by saying my girl n myself have been together for 5 years now and we love each other very very very much and are headed for marriage in about 2 years from now. AND NO MATTER WHAT WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOR EVER. that's the kinda realationship we share.

well, my girlfriend n myself have been thinking about threesomes with other men while making love or when we have phone sex. i'm outta town often so we're doin things over the phone quite often (a lot more than physically making love). off late we've been talking about her ex boyfriends and some steamy sessions she had with them, all this while we're on the phone indulging in extremely pleasurable and long phone sex sessions.

at first my girlfriend, though turned on by the thought of doing it with other men (we even think about myself playing around with the other guy) got quite offended everytime i brought it up. she just felt weird to begin with. n then things started changing n she was open to the idea of imagining other men while we had phone sex and even us talking about doing it with other men when we got physical. after this i brought up the idea of imagining her ex boyfriends while we were doing it (phone sex & physical) and she gets extremely turned on by this, n so do i.

now, the problem here is she doesn't want to try it out for real even though both she and I know that we would really like the whole experience. she has a mental block about it not being "right" i guess. her thoughts about it are kinda complicated n she herself can't really seem to point out reasons for her not "really" wanting to go through with a MMF threesome. but we know for sure that it turns her on really really good. I mean we've had the best phone sex sessions imagining and talking about how she and her ex boyfriends got physical n how she went down on one of 'em n got fingered by the other n things like that. she's never had sex with any of them though n i'm the only one she's had sex with.

my question is, HOW DO I GET HER TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG IN GOING THROUGH WITH A THREESOME IF WE BOTH KNOW IT TURNS US ON? ALSO, HOW DO I BRING THIS UP TO HER? cuz every time i ask her if we can really have a threesome she gets offended and pissed off, although 5 min of convincing gets her back into the mood to have sex ;)

Answer
Var_red,

First observation, this is not the LAST hurdle.

Rather than focusing on the sole objective of getting what YOU want . . . how about just talking to her & helping her figure out WHAT is coming up for her and WHY she get's SO upset when you bring this up? Maybe helping her figure this out might end up with you getting what you want out of this.

Also my husband noticed you've gone into GREAT detail about your fantasies and how YOU want them to play out.  Have you thought about finding out what HER fantasies consist of? Try having a conversation about HER, HER thoughts, interests & desires (no suggestions from you about what YOU want during this conversation).

Just know that the road to fantasy fulfillment is usually a long and slow one and take many small steps along with time, love & PATIENCE!

Hope this helps,
Analisa