Expert: Analisa - 3/3/2009

Question
Ok so my husband and I have talked over and over about being with other people, becoming a swinging couple and we established rules, talked openly about it.  We both agree that swinging is a different lifestyle and as for our relationship we are confidant that we can handle it as we agreed it really is about sex and pleasure, the love is reserved just for us.  Here is the problem.  We recently went to a resort that was well just very open minded.  So as we met more people and got to know them, I found a guy that I thought might be a new experience.  So my husband and I decided that we will try that.  It was just me and the other guy at the time as my husband and I talked that let me try it on my own so I can see how comfortable I was with being with another man.  So I went back to this guys room, started fooling around and then the tables turned and he decided that we was more into another aspect of sex that I was not ready for and so I left.  I actually felt really used and we didn't even get to the actual sex part.  I want to continue this lifestyle but now I know my husband and I went about it the wrong way.  So my question is really how do you recover from a bad first experience and still try to find the fun in swinging???

Answer
Christina,

For starters we suggest you re-think your 'rules' (BTW-they should be flexible enough that you two can change them as needed).  One of our primary 'rules' is we never separate or "swing alone". We are in this because we both enjoy seeing the other enjoying themselves and it helps if we can each keep an eye out for each other.

Our next suggestion, is just keep trying, not everyone out there is like that guy and there are many fun COUPLES out there to party with.

Also we suggest avoiding the single guys until you two are a bit more experienced and definitely not ever alone! Single guys are a dime a dozen and have nothing at stake. It is very hard to find respectful ones who will listen to what you are wanting and keep it to just that.

Finally, we recommend that you make certain the other party/parties involved understand your ground rules and exactly what you are expecting. This serves two purposes, the first is everyone know where they stand and what to expect; and secondly it prevents most nasty surprises or unpleasant/uncomfortable situations.

Hope this helps,
Analisa