AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Question My wife and I of 28 years are incredibly happy and secure. She's my best friend, business partner, mother of my child, and many other roles. She's only had two other sex partners before we were married, and one of those was abusive. That, coupled with low testosterone, kept her libido in idle for several years. We have been working on that over the past couple of years and found a doctor who has helped her immensely. If fact, she can get really hot now, and is still incredibly beautiful.
We've been fantasizing about the hot wife lifestyle for some time. She's an exhibitionist and I'm a voyeur, so it fits pretty well. We'd both like to find some men for her to be with while I watch, take pics, etc, and have been cautiously moving down that road. We've joined a swap site, posted some pics, and have been looking for men and/or couples that might fit. She has no desire to see me with another woman, and that's okay with me.
We're trying to check ourselves at every step, keeping communication open and making sure this is right (how do you ever know until you jump?). One of my concerns is that I will feel inadequate. While I've helped bring her along (she never had an orgasm until we met), I'm of average size and am one of the 30% of males who has a fairly quick trigger. Part of our fantasy these days is watching videos of men who go long and hard and using a thick 8" dong that fills her up. Don't get me wrong - we have great sex in a variety of ways, and there are a couple of things I do that put her on the ceiling. I'm just not sure how I'll feel, knowing these men can give her what I cannot. Of course, that's partly why we're doing this, so she can experience what she's never felt before, and I can get my own private porn show. So, I'm kind of conflicted. I’m also not sure if my lack of desire to join in a full swap has something to do with my fear of pleasing another woman.
I realize you can't tell me how I'll feel, but do you have any advice for guys like me? Have you known other men in the lifestyle with PE and how they handle things like this, or other being women for that matter?
Thanks
Answer Todd,
First let me congratulate you on putting your wife first in this process, it is really the only way that this is successful.
Second let me tell you from a woman's perspective you must be doing something right if you were able to be the first one to get her off. So you may be proving the point of "It's not the size of the ship but, the motion of the ocean" or "It's not the length of the wand but the magician who wields it" sayings.
BTW ~ all of which are true. In the LS I personally have been with men who were hung like horses but left me staring at the ceiling as they pounded away thinking "Blue, I think I'll paint the ceiling blue" and then there have been several who were less adequately equipped but much more adept at how to handle the equipment they had and I spent the evening experiencing fireworks and trying to catch my breath.
So stop worrying, the point of the LS is sex for the sake of sex & fun. She loves you and you love her and that is what she treasures most in the world not size or lack thereof.
