Expert: Chim Hedo - 4/6/2009

Question
My husband is really wanting to start experimenting with the swinging lifestyle.  He is 58 and I am 56.  We have been married for  37 years and have been faithful with one another all these years. We have an active and good sex life with one another.  I am not opposed to experimenting with him in this lifestyle; however, I'm struggling with the thought of him being with another woman.  How do you suggest I get over these feelings?  Thank you.

Answer
Hi Chrissy
 It's very normal and common to struggle with the thoughts of him being with another woman.  Especially after 37 years!!! Congratulations! That is an accomplishment you should be very proud of.  You are obviously very committed to each other, and best friends.  
 You have to look at experimenting in the lifestyle as a "game" the two of you are going to play.  I have taken this quote from the NASCA website which perfectly describes it :Swinging enables a couple to explore sexual and social feelings and needs together, permitting a demystification of sex which allows sex to assume a place in the relationship unhindered by the standard ties to love, duty, sex roles and morals of others.
 Start by having him verbally describe to you what he would do with another woman as he is doing those things to you in a lovemaking session.  How does that make you feel? Imagine that you are watching as he is doing this to her.
 You have to remember there is a big difference between sex and love.  With you its love, sexual experimentation is just sex.  
 To put it into perspective, would you struggle with him having a game of golf with a member of the opposite sex? Just for the challenge, and a different style of playing.
 Look at him being with another woman sexually the same way.  It's a game, that you can both participate in for new ways to "play".
Chim