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Adult Swinging/We want to start a threesome, but unsure how.

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Expert: Analisa - 4/28/2009


Question
Hey Analisa,

My wife and I have been married for 11 years now.  And recently our sex lif have really scorched up.  Last fall she went to a conference and had a sexual encounter with another man (not intercourse).  Rather than getting me angry, it only made me horny, knowing my wife wanted it so bad that she went and gave another man a BJ.

Well, ever since, our sex life has taken off to a new level, and now both of us want to explore a threesome.  We're both comfortable with doing either MMF or FFM, and we have ideas of who we'd like to partner with....but we're unsure how to approach the situation.  We're from a small town and don't have access to clubs that feature such a lifestyle, and we live in a province that has outlawed strip clubs....so our situation is quite unique.

How do we start this off.  Do we just invite a friend over, have a few drinks and start playing games? My wife has confronted her 'man' and has told him that she would f**k him, but now do we wait? is the ball in his court? Or do I get involved and talk to him, my wife has already said that he's a bit afraid of upsetting me....I'm not certain how to approach this.

At the same time, I have spoken to my 'friend' (she's also a good mutual friend), she's quite intrigued by it all and very surprised...but at least she's interested and wants to hear more.

Would it be weird to get all 4 together, or do you recommend that?  I'm quite new at this and wondering how to get the ball rolling.

Thanks.

Answer
Murray,

Why don't you try inviting your "friend" over for dinner/drinks and see where things go from there? If things go well then you can try the same approach with her "man" invite him over for dinner/drinks and see how things work out. But, I would suggest starting with your friend first.

Also I would suggest you two might want to join an internet site, you might be surprised how many other couples in your small town area are in the same frame of mind. There are many out there. Try looking at some previous questions I have answered for people just starting out, you should see many recommendations on those answers.

I hope this helps,
Analisa

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Analisa

Expertise

Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed, What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e. Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.

Experience

Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)

Organizations
NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P

Education/Credentials
Both of us are college educated professionals.

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