AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Question QUESTION: I have been dating my BF for two years and there was a time in the past that I had asked him what his fantasy was. He honestly replied that having a threesome would be wonderful. It caught me off guard because I was thinking more along the lines of a "he and I" situation, but I'm glad he told me the truth. Then my mind started racing with "can I do this", would it "ruin us", "what if the other girl feels/kisses/looks better than me...., etc., etc." So, I told him six months ago that I didn't think I could do it. I can't stand the thought of him wanting to have another girl besides me. However, I really want to give him his fantasy. How can I overcome my jelousy? I have no problem trying it out with another woman. I am just terrified of my boyfriend wanting it from her again, and again...Please help!!
ANSWER: Jenny,
I am reluctant to answer this as it really is not about swinging but more about how do you get over your "jealousy" of something that hasn't even happened yet.
Might I suggest this . . . try once again talking to your BF about these thoughts that you are having. Tell him about your fears but, also tell him about your desires of fulfilling his fantasy.
Maybe, for him it is just that, a fantasy, something he doesn't want to become a reality. For some people keeping things in the fantasy world makes them all that more delicious. It may be that there is no need for you to share him. Better yet he may re-assure you and let you know that he has no desire for another girl besides you.
Here is a different suggestion to spice things up that will be less likely to catch you off guard . . . each of you take 5 slips of paper, each of you write down something you would like to do with or to the other person on your piece of paper (it can be as simple as go for a walk on the beach or take a bubble bath together or a hot oil massage or tie each other up, whatever) then you put the pieces of paper in a jar or bowl and draw one out each Friday night.
Hope you enjoy,
Analisa
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you Analisa,
It actually came up last night when I said "I'm sorry I couldn't have a three some". He replied with, "There's still time". So he does actually want to do it. Although, it's not like he is pushing me to do it. I asked him who he'd want and he said it wouldn't matter. I asked him if he'd want a blonde. He said "I'd take a blonde". So he definately wants it. I try to ask him what he wants to happen and he hasn't exactly explained it for me. It just hurts to know that I'm completely satisfied but he's not.
Answer Jenny,
Then I would suggest dropping this and trying my other suggestion. If you really can't do this, it is tearing you apart thinking about it, stop bringing it up.
Spice up your sex life other ways. Make him so satisfied with you in every other aspect that he can't think about a threesome and if that doesn't work . . . then maybe this isn't "the one".
The guy who truly loves you more than anything, won't want you to do something that upsets you this much. He will love you just the way you are, flaws and minor insecurities included. Trust me, I know this from experience.
Let this drop and see if he brings the subject up again. In the mean time don't think about it, just enjoy a sizzling good time with him.
If it does come up again . . . let him know it could be a deal breaker and see how he responds. Please understand, just because my husband & I are swingers doesn't mean we feel everyone else should be too. Most people (men and women) are not mentally or emotionally wired to live with the way the LifeStyle works. He might think he wants this but, he may not like the outcome either. Most guys don't think this part through and the backlash shocks them the most.
