AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Question QUESTION: My wife and i have been married for seventeen years and have two kids. One turning sixteen and one turning thirteen. When the children were born, we put our lives on hold. No drinking, no partying, no social life what-so-ever. We basically lived the average marriage, with all of its pitfalls and highs. Before our marriage I explored a very active sexual lifestyle and have remained easily stimulated by my wife, even when she was down-right prudish. My wife however was overweight when she was younger, (during High school) and didn't fully developed a sexual sense of herself. Recently she had told me of having fantasies about being the high school slut, and wanting to fulfill them. However her self esteem is very low. Twice in the last six months I have set her up with two of my friends from work and she fucked them. I want her to grow and gain more confidence by finding men out in the real world without my having to set up her dates. I know she wants to attract new lovers, but how do I help her confidence?
ANSWER: Rick,
While this question really doesn't have anything to do with swinging, I will do what I can to help out.
I would start with suggesting that you put any/all judgement of her (even when she was down-right prudish) and simply and daily tell her how attractive/hot she looks. Be as specific as you feel she would be comfortable with (my husband will say "Wow, you're looking mighty big breasted today" or "You sure look hot in that"). These are things that definitely build self-esteem.
You can also remind her that nothing is hotter looking on anyone one than true Confidence.
Hope this helps,
Analisa
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QUESTION: Although i may have appeared to judge my wife for her low self esteem or her prudish ways or beliefs in my initial question. i would like to dispell that notion by saying that i have always loved and cared for my wife deeply. I encourage my wife to experience all that life has to give. With that being said, I feel the need to clarify the matter by saying i need help increasing her courage. My wife is absolutely gorgeous!!! That's my thoughts about her. She on the other hand feels quite differently about herself, no matter what i tell her. She feels that she is still carrying that chubby teenager inside her. That insecure, scared, courageless teenager that has no hope of attracting "any" man she wants. My encouragement of her seeking affection and sex with other men is solely to help her gain self confidence and power. How do i build her courage to go out and get what she wants?
Answer Rick,
This is a very touchy subject and I am reluctant to give further advice.
Again, your best bet is to DAILY encourage her and tell her how attractive she is. I would suggest that you might want to go easy on having "her seeking affection and sex with other men is solely to help her gain self confidence and power" and possibly consider letting her discover this on her own and in her own time.
My only other suggestion would be for her to possibly seek some kind of counseling to determine why she is holding on to the chubby teenager. It may be some sort of security blanket or other defensive measure for a trauma this is why I suggest taking it easy and recommend a professional.
Please exercise caution and again this has truly stepped outside the parameters of swinging.
Was this sent to simply let me know that you are not judging her?
