AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Question Me and my boyfriend started dating in 2005. In 2006 we both decide to explore the swinging lifestyle and we started with soft with 2 couples and had our first full swap with one of those couples. We also kept going to this couples club and had soft fun there.
But in late 2006, we had some major fidelity issues involving cheating/lying and since then we have had a very turbulent relationship. On and off kinda thing. And we've had trust issues since then. We still go to the club for soft fun but somehow Im not too comfortable with the idea anymore because of hurt emotions from the betrayal. So now instead of fun, swinging brings back bad memories of him and the other woman. And ive always heard that the relationship should be trusting and strong in itself to be able to enjoy swinging. And i want him to understand that.
He doesnt seem to co-relate the two and is lil insensitive as to why I feel this way. I feel guilty abt keeping him from the fun and also feel pressured sometimes by him. The more i withdraw , the more he is getting fixated with swinging.
Please help cos i dont want our relationship to be destroyed, at least not over swinging.
Help!!!
Thanks so much,
Nicki
Answer Nicki,
First, I am sorry to hear things are not going well between you two.
Second, it doesn't sound like swinging will be the reason your relationship does or doesn't succeed. It sounds like the two of you have been experiencing problems with honesty (we had some major fidelity issues involving cheating/lying), trust, communication, understanding and sensitivity. These are all fundamental and core necessities to having a relationship at all.
I am sorry but, it sounds like swinging is the "symptom" of something much deeper. I completely agree with what you've "heard", for swinging to be fun the relationship has to be strong and the trust has to be ABSOLUTE. One more thing I would add to that is, the relationship has to be the most important thing to the couple or the relationship will not survive. This is true for anything, whether it be contemplating a business together, moving to a new city, changing jobs or even having children (especially having children). The relationship has to be the most important thing or it will suffer.
