About Leesa Expertise I am the owner of Australia's first and only Council approved swingers club with my hubby Bryan.
We have been on the scene for over 17 years.
Owned a club for 4 years and love and live the lifestyle daily.I have extensive knowledge of the lifestyle and how it can affect your relationship or enhance your relationship.
My hubby and I are lucky enough to own our own club and we meet hundreds of patrons every week, some make the lifestyle choice, others find it is not for them.
The whole lifestyle is about communication and you should never enter into it, unless you both are prepared and know that is only about YOU 2 as a couple and not one of you singular.
Ask me your questions i am happy to give you some of my knowledge and hope that you too explore this wonderful lifestyle to see just how fantastic it really is.
It is not all about sex.
Leesa
Experience As above
Organizations couples international is our club in brisbane australia.
Education/Credentials building designers by day, swing club owners by night
Question Me and my boyfriend started dating in 2005. In 2006 we both decide to explore the swinging lifestyle and we started with soft with 2 couples and had our first full swap with one of those couples. We also kept going to this couples club and had soft fun there.
But in late 2006, we had some major fidelity issues involving cheating/lying and since then we have had a very turbulent relationship. On and off kinda thing. And we've had trust issues since then. We still go to the club for soft fun but somehow Im not too comfortable with the idea anymore because of hurt emotions from the betrayal. So now instead of fun, swinging brings back bad memories of him and the other woman. And ive always heard that the relationship should be trusting and strong in itself to be able to enjoy swinging. I want him to understand that.
He doesnt seem to co-relate the two and is lil insensitive as to why I feel this way. I feel guilty abt keeping him from the fun and also feel pressured sometimes by him. The more i withdraw , the more he is getting fixated with swinging.
Please help cos i dont want our relationship to be destroyed, at least not over swinging.
Help!!!
Thanks so much,
Nicki
Answer Hi there
I read your email and wonder why you still attending swinging clubs.
As you stated the lifestyle is about communication and trust, this trust was breached by your husband and yet you both continue on the path of destruction attending swingers clubs, even if it is for soft swap.
The lifestyle is not about betrayal, but about being together as a couple and enjoying others as a tool, in your relationship.
Once that trust is breached it is so hard to regain the trust to be able to have fun and be confident in the lifestyle again.
I am assuming whilst you are at this club you are constantly looking out for him and watching where he is all the time. You would be continually on edge and wondering if he is looking at someone else and talking to them about having sex with them without your knowledge.
I figure i may be right on those points.
Your husbands in ability to have any concerns about this and your feelings is disturbing and therefore i feel that the lifestyle should be given a break until you gain your trust back for him.
It takes a long time to be able to trust someone after they have hurt you, and a big hurt like infidelity certainly doesnt go away without hard work and tedious talking.
You feel the need for him to be able to prove to you that you can trust him again. This wont happen if you keep on attending couples parties.
Spend some quality time together, talk, and laugh , and try to get back that spark that you both had when you were originally sharing the fun side of the lifestyle together.
Once you gain that trust back, then maybe start looking at going out to these clubs again and doing nothing but watching and then going home and making great love together. Dont include others in your play until you are comfy and stable in your relationship with eachother, that is my advice to you
You wont make him understand so stop trying, it seems guys dont have the ability to comprehend the hurt that they cause , and think that us ladies should just move on as they said they wont do it again.
Doing it once was too much.....trust is a huge thing, and without it your relationship is bound to fail.
Work on your relationship together without the influences of others and i hope that all goes well for you both.
Please keep me updated as i am very interested as to how you go with all of this.
Best regards,
Leesa
