Expert: Leesa - 7/13/2009

Question
I have a friend that I am very fond of and I believe the feeling is mutual.  The
problem is I have a live in girlfriend for whom I care for, but don't see the
relationship continuing much longer due to certain incompatibilities.

My friend and I have had problems of late due to my "other life" but we still
enjoy each other's company and seem to always find our way back to the
other.

I recently introduced my friend to a local swing club.  The first night was ok.  
Not many people were there, but we managed to have a decent time.  On our
second trip, I decided to show her a really good time and arranged a
threesome with another guy.  We had been to another club previously, and I
was always the one seeming to have the most fun.  Well this night was
different.  She really enjoyed the experience as was my intent.  The guy was
pretty cool, and being from out of town wanted to take us out to dinner the
next day.  I passed but told her to feel free.

Well the next day as I thought about it, I felt uncomfortable with the
situation.  I talked to her about it and suggested that we adopt a rule that
would exclude the exchange of phone numbers and other future planning
when we go out together as a couple.  I know she dates and has sex with
other people and I really don't trip about it, but I would like for our
experiences in a swinging environment to be about us rather than about
someone else.

She responded to me by saying she wants that exclusiveness to apply to our
entire relationship, and that if I am not willing to commit to her and be a
couple with her, then it makes no sense for me to request that type of rule be
applied to only that environment.

I don't think it's much to ask.  In my mind, I'd like to preserve the play space
for us but maybe I'm too controlling.

What are your thoughts?  I'd hate to stop swinging with her, but I think it
would be hard for me to promote maximum pleasure knowing that she'd be
exchanging numbers as soon as I go to the bathroom.

Answer
Hi there
I hear what you are saying and can relate.
You do need to set boundries and rules, and if you go to a swingers club, you both need to abide by those rules.
I can appreciate that she wants to have you exclusive and that i can see is the only way this can work.
Leesa