Expert: Analisa - 7/9/2009

Question
My wife and I have been swinging for about 3 years now. We started back then because of my job and her wanting to have sex even while I was away on business. We have been doing it on and off for 3 years now and all of the sudden out of the blue she just takes herself out of our website and doesn't even tell me and when I try to ask her about it she won't really talk to me about it. I am wondering what if anything I can do to try to get her to open up and talk to me about it. And in the long run I would love to keep swinging with her. Thanks.

Answer
Dominick,

I am guessing from you letter the two of you were 'separate' swingers (not same room or even necessarily same time).

I would strongly suggest you sit down with her and create a safe space of honest, open communication. The way you do this is to prepare yourself beforehand by freeing your mind of all blame, anger or distrust. Prepare yourself to hear the worst (i.e. she was attacked, possibly date raped, she formed an attachment or something equally unpleasant) then whether the reason is innocuous or more serious your reaction either way will hopefully be supportive. This way you can honestly tell her no matter what she has to say you will still be there for her and mean it. Tell her how much you love care for her. Let her know how important she is to you and remind her of the fact that together you two are stronger than separate. Together the two of you can work through anything.

Bottom line is something happened for her to do this and for the benefit of your marriage you need to find out what it was.

Hope this helps,
Analisa