Expert: Analisa - 7/27/2009

Question
My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost a year now and I love her very very much. We are a very sexual couple and we both love trying new things and above all pleasing one another. In the past she has told me she has always been a little bi-curious and finds herself sexually attracted to other women. I about fell out of my chair when she told me this as I assume any guy would love hearing this from his girlfriend. I have been thinking about this for a long time and have been searching for ideas about how i want to go about making this happen. We have yet to try it because i don't know the first thing about recruiting another girl for my girlfriend. Of course we set rules (she set most of them) and basically we want to have a threesome and i can do everything with the other girl except have sex with her.

Then I got to thinking about her being with another guy the same way. I have come to the conclusion that I am comfortable with the thought of my girlfriend being with another guy (four play but no sex for now), as long as I'm there, as she wants to be there when I'm with another girl. I love seeing my girl aroused and turned on even if it was by another man as long as I have the reassurance from her that she loves me and I am truly the one she wants to be with.

So this is my question. I want propose swinging to my girlfriend and I'm not quite sure how to go about it? I want her to know that she is everything to me, and at the end of the day, she is the one I love and want to come home to forever. When I finally do confront her how do I go about doing this so where she does not think that she is not enough for me? How do I make her feel completely secure? And if all things go to plan, how do we get started? Is there any swing couple beginner advise you might have?  

Answer
Dear Lee,

Let me try to answer all of your questions:

Q1: When I finally do confront her how do I go about doing this so where she does not think that she is not enough for me?

Q2: How do I make her feel completely secure?

A1 & 2: I am answering your Q 1&2 together since they are actually the same question . . . I would start out by telling her what you told me:
"I want her to know that she is everything to me, and at the end of the day, she is the one I love and want to come home to forever." and repeat that several times throughout your conversation with her. Additionally, if you make it your daily mission for her to get, I mean REALLY get, how important she is to you, then you should not have any problem. Also I would suggest that you tell her that swinging is just to enhance your relationship not to replace it and at ANY time if EITHER of you feels the relationship is threatened then you will quit swinging immediately.

Q3: And if all things go to plan, how do we get started?

A3: There are several ways you can get started, you can go to a local swing club's party, you could set up a profile at a swinger site: there are 1000s out there, we personally prefer www.clubforeplay.com (here is a referral # 13442 for a membership if you decide you like the site).  We would strongly suggest you check out the FAQ section at the following link: http://www.nasca.com/states/nasca_faq.html

Q4: Is there any swing couple beginner advise you might have?
A4: Before starting or meeting anyone, talk openly & frankly with each other about your expectations. Set ground rules that both of you agree to and that don't get changed without both of you talking it over FIRST. Other than that remember to have fun and that's what its all about.

Hope this helps,
Analisa