AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
My wife and I have been married for 10 years as of last January. We have made some new friends lately and my wife's bi-curious side has got her to play with one of her married female friends of ours on a few times where we got together and partied. There is generally kissing, petting and sucking/licking of chest area. A couple of these times we would have sex in the same room as the other couple after they played for a little.
So far we have not crossed or swapped partners. Both myself and the other husband have only had sex with our wives. My wife just today brought up the idea of swinging though. I was out of town for 4 days and she told me she got extremely horny one night and even after playing with her toys wanted badly to have someone to help "scratch her itch" as she put it. She's also ok with me having sex with other women.
My problem is that I don't really want to swing. I love my wife with all of my heart and though her small experiences with another woman aroused me and ignited sexual excitement I do not desire to have sex with another woman. In all honesty we don't have sex that often anymore. I would say on average once per 1-2 weeks. There's been times it's possibly once a month or longer in between.
I just have doubts and obviously my self confidence is sore. It's not like she's highly sexually excited and our sex life is good, so I almost feel like she's just wanting to get out and have sex with others because after 10 years it's just boring to her now. Me I personally would love to have sex with my wife every night, but she's unresponsive most of the time.
I fear this is going to doom my marriage and worry more than anything about my 2 children and what problems between my wife and I would do to them. If I agree to this when I don't want to I will resent what she did and myself for letting it happen. I am not attracted to the wife of the other couple, so it's not even an exciting idea to me. Also if it goes further, when does it stop, how far is too far? What would be next? BUT, if I don't, I'm afraid she'll resent my "stubborn" "prude" "selfish" side and our sex life with further diminish.
How do I fix this situation?? I feel if I can somehow improve our sex life at home she'll disregard the swinging notion? I've tried romantic, sensual, exciting approaches to help but have extremely limited success boosting our sex life.
Do you have any suggestions or advice for me? I could sure use some help here, I am very lost, confused and a bit depressed since learning her desires.
Thank you,
Shawn
Answer Shawn,
Even though your letter really isn't about swinging and it's more about your relationship with your wife, I will try to answer to the best of my ability.
First three questions you asked were:
Q1: when does it stop,
Q2: how far is too far?
Q3: What would be next?
A1: It should stop when you two are ready for it to stop.
A2: That is only something the two of you could determine.
A3: Again, only you two should/would be able to say.
Next group of questions:
Q1: How do I fix this situation??
Q2: I feel if I can somehow improve our sex life at home she'll disregard the swinging notion?
A1: There are a variety of suggestions on how to "fix" your sex life but, they all start the same way; honest, open & frank communication between both of you. As someone who is experienced in this LifeStyle, I can tell you that you two are not ready to become swingers because you are not communicating clearly, openly & honestly with each other.
A2: This is not really a question as much as a wish. So how committed are you to improving your sex life at home?
You say "I've tried romantic, sensual, exciting approaches to help but have extremely limited success boosting our sex life." but, are they what SHE feels is romantic, sensual & exciting or your interpretation, only?
I have a book to recommend to you:
101 Nights of Grrreat Romance by Laura Corn.
Buy this book, the pages tear out, and start doing some of the things listed for the guy. I would strongly suggest that 1. you follow the instruction to the letter 2. don't bring it home and tell your wife to start doing the things listed for the woman, just concentrate on YOUR part and see how quickly things improve.
Some other books you might be interested in:
101 Nights of Grrreat Sex by Laura Corn
Passport to Pleasure: The Hottest Sex from Around the World by Laura Corn
I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller
Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm by Kim Cattrall and Mark Levinson
All of these should help you find a closer relationship with your wife once you have this I would suggest you sit down with her and be completely honest about how you feel about full swap swinging.
