AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Question My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have beaten the odds every time we're challenged, through our very strong love and communication with each other. We literally feel often like newlyweds. Part of this is because of our openness about each others' fantasies and sex life, where we can feel free to talk about other people. We were both very young when we married, 21 and 20, and we married across international boundaries (U.S. and U.K.). We have one child age 6 who we both love. We also both started out very conservative and Christian, and now are quite liberal.
In the past few years we've often talking about opening up our marriage in some way to other partners, because we feel the desire to do so may challenge our marriage further down the line if we didn't, not because of the sex but because of the trust lost. We've talked about going to strip clubs together, and have never done it. We've talked about going to swing clubs, and going to bars together to see what would happen when either of us try to pick up other people.
Recently my husband went to Vegas and I told him he could have sex with a girl if he wanted. He didn't, but he says if he found anyone he might have called me to ask if he could. While he was gone I signed up for an online dating site, and quickly got like a hundred replies. One I replied to because he was my 'type'... we got chatting and he said he would be coming to Vegas (3-hr drive for us) in a few weekends' time and would love to meet me - dinner, drinks, and possibly come stay the night at his hotel room. My husband and I then began talking very seriously about these things.
He is very supportive and says he wants this to happen, but I can tell he is very worried too. I feel our relationship is resilient enough to withstand any challenge this throws up, but my husband feels we need to take it one step at a time. I am 27 and I feel my time is running out for doing this. My husband thinks we have the rest of our lives, he doesn't understand that women look this good for a certain length of time! He feels that we could do strip clubs, swing clubs, maybe meeting in the same room with a guy first, and that that would help him with his insecurities. I don't think that anything will completely remove the discomfort for him and that that is inevitable until it actually happens. I've been quite surprised by his reactions since I took steps to do it for real, since he was very gung-ho when we talked about it before.
We've tried to find him a girl in Vegas too, which he says would ease his fears about me rushing forward without him, but so far it's tough on these dating sites for guys. What should we do? Should I cancel my plans with this guy completely (he doesn't know my husband is in on this; he thinks it's an affair?). Or should I postpone them a little until husband is ready (I'm worried it may not work out then cause he might not be back for a while)? Or will he ever feel ready, maybe we should deal with as many of his fears as possible beforehand and then find out what happens where we can talk about everything afterwards?
My husband is worried about what this would do to our perfect relationship. Will he feel jealousy to a point that destroys what we have? Will I be unsatisfied with him as a sexual partner after sleeping with this guy? Will we be closer than we were before or not as close? I am confident that we will be fine, we're a very strong couple and want to experience everything together, that's why I think this is needless worrying.
Answer Melissa,
If you have even the slightest doubt and feel/think" "should I postpone them a little until husband is ready (I'm worried it may not work out then cause he might not be back for a while)?"
Then my answer is postpone. Which is more important to you? Your husband and how he feels about this or this hook-up with this particular guy? The answer to that question will answer all of the rest.
To answer one more:
"maybe we should deal with as many of his fears as possible beforehand and then find out what happens where we can talk about everything afterwards?"
ALL fears/concerns should be addressed beforehand (both yours & his). Additionally, ground rules regarding safe sex, kissing, oral, anal, etc. should be addressed beforehand.
