AboutAnalisa Expertise Questions related to Swinging i.e. Why did you choose to become a swinger, He/She wants
to but I have doubts, How to begin/get started, What is the purpose of swinging, Why
would you become a swinger, Should we/shouldn't we, Rules (Are/Aren't they needed,
What should they be, What should be non-negotiable, What can be compromised, What to
do if rules are ignored or broken), House vs. private parties, Resources to locate other
swingers, What does it mean to take one for the team
Questions we can't answer: Any alternative sexual questions other than swinging, i.e.
Bestiality, Gang Banging, anything to do with minors, B/D or S&M, toilet games, etc. We also don't feel proficient in answering in depth relationship questions, we are not marriage/relationship counselors, if we receive a question that falls into that category we will refer you to seek professional help.
Experience Over 10 years in the Lifestyle, numerous events & encounters (some pleasant & enjoyable and others that were less than)
Organizations NASCA, Good Vibrations, C4P
Education/Credentials Both of us are college educated professionals.
Question Background:
My wife and I have been together for 10 years, 6 of which we have been married. however 5 1/2 years ago. my wife and I separated just six months into our marriage. during this separation she cut off all communication and moved out of state. roughly six months after our separation she calls me out of the clear blue. and we talk and decide that we want to be back together however she needs to confesses to me that she slept with another man. I forgave her, however once we were back together our sex life has never been what it was. at first I couldn't get the other guy out of my head and it affected our sex life. since that time the intense images have lessened but even now 5 1/2 years later, I feel it still effects our sex life. I find myself not in the mood and we have gone up to a month without sex. I still find my wife very attractive and very sexual, and I love her very much, and she loves me. however I think I have this mental block about sex because of what has happen. we recently have been talking about spicing up our sex life to try and get back what we lost. to bring back those lustful feelings that we once had for each other. during our talking I have started thinking and wondering that maybe it all comes from these feelings and images that plagued my mind years ago. I have mentioned going and checking out a swingers club. and being curious about it. she and I both seem interested in going and looking but not participating at first and see what happens next. and taking things one step at a time.
Question: (assuming we go out to the club and we find we enjoy what we're seeing.)
If we agree and I watch a man with my wife have sex. will that allow me to mentally let go of what happen in the past? because I'm there and I'm allowing it to happen or will it compound a already existing problem?
myself I have conflicting thoughts about that. part of me says
yes it will fix the issue because if I can allow this then everything else in the past is ok.
and part of me says
no it will only compound a already existing problem.
I want that fire back in our marriage. and I want to be free from what I can't forget.
also like I said we both love each other deeply so moving on with a different relationship is out of the question please don't say it's the only way.
Answer John,
I would STRONGLY recommend that you do NOT look to the swinging lifestyle to fix any issues with your marriage. The LifeStyle is only for relationships that are strong and solid, where the couple has clear communication and no baggage or as little as possible.
You say you can't forget. I say you choose not to. You say you can't move on. Again, a choice. I strongly recommend counseling or some other sort of way to resolve this issue but the LifeStyle is NOT it. Let me explain my position on this . . . couples in the LifeStyle find every other issue in their relationship bubbles to the surface. These must be dealt with. The great part about this is after going through this growth period most couples find their relationship is stronger, healthier and the communication much better. Unfortunately, some couples relationships don't survive, and they were doing ok before but, being in the LifeStyle brings up all sorts of other things that most people choose to ignore in their daily lives.
I hope this helps and I can recommend you to a site online dedicated to rebuilding marriages.
