Expert: Guycurious - 11/24/2011

Question
I need advice....My partner and I are middle aged and have been together going on five years. A few months back I noticed we were falling into a sedentary life style and I felt like he was losing interest in me, so I asked him to go to a swingers club thinking it might spice things up for us....My thoughts were that we could go to be with each other and maybe at some point swing with another couple. Don't get me wrong I am no beauty queen. I am of average height and weight, but I am pretty and very classy and he is a very distinguished,and attractive man. My problem is that I don't think I am ready to be with anyone else and he is. He is very considerate of my feeling and asks before encountering and or dancing with anyone else . I tell him it is okay and that is when the trouble begins. When I see him kissing and touching another woman my blood boils and the feelings of hurt and jealousy overwhelm me. I can't help wondering why he doesn't touch me the way he is touching her and why I don't excite him the way she does. He tells me that I am the one he loves and wants to spend his everyday life with, but somehow I am doubtful. He tells me that she is nothing more than another flavor of candy , but I am the cherry. I have tried talking to him about this but I only end up feeling like an ass. I guess I am just afraid of losing him . What should I do ? I love going to the clubs and being with him. How do I gain his attention back towards me ?

Answer
All relationships become comfortable after some time and people delve into the lifestyle hoping it will revive the passion.  The first advice I give potential lifestyler's is make sure your relationship is strong and you have open lines of communication.  Participating in the lifestyle will not fix a broken relationship, it could make it worse.

Feelings of jealousy are common when people first start off in the lifestyle but if those feelings persist the relationship is headed for trouble.  I love my wife, would give up my life to save hers if necessary.  For us the lifestyle just adds some excitement, some variety.  I believe it satisfies an ancient,primal urge to "mate" with others to ensure the continuance of a bloodline (maybe it just satisfies two horny people).  

If you're not 100% confident he loves you and desires the relationship you have I would suggest backing away from the lifestyle until you figure out your relationship.  I've seen couples arguing at the club because one wanted to be there and the other didn't.  Not a good scene.

I hope this helps and please write back and let me know how you're doing.