Expert: Michael Andrews - 11/7/2011

Question
My wife and I have been swinging for 8 years,by now nothing bothers us,we have no jealousy etc We mainly meet couples with bi females as my wife is bi.We have tryed mfm but not often.About a year and a half ago we met a single guy and had some fun. He continued to call or email us and my wife was always eager to meet him for a mfm.It was happening to often with the same guy so I told my wife we didnt really plan on meeting this many times and so frequently so maybe we should slow down as I was not really interested every 3 weeks,maybe once a year.She was really upset,and does not want to stop the mfm with him because she says most of the time the couples we go with the male can not satisfy her.But this one particular guy has great stamina,good looking etc,that we do the mfm with.How do I get her to stop from wanting to do it that often with this guy,its starting to make me feel uncomfortable.Is it possible she could end up with the guy and leave me? Concerned but love and trust my wife.She has also met him twice alone with my approval as I am not really interested anymore with mfm...

Answer
Hi Don, Tricky situation. It certainly seems on the face of it that things have moved beyond the swinging comfort zone where you both do things together without harming the relationship. It sounds like there is a problem developing. I suggest you do three things:
1) tell your wife firmly that what is happening is in your mind starting to harm your relationship and that, as your relationship is the most important thing and after all why you swing in the first place, that you want her to stop seeing the guy
2) tell the guy that you no longer approve of him seeing your wife and that it is to stop
3) do everything you can to make your wife feel loved by you. Put some renewed effort into your relationship so that she realizes just how much you mean to her.
I guess it comes down in a way to 'distracting' her away from this guy while still being very clear and firm with her that your relationship comes first. Maybe prepare for a bit of a backlash but stay firm and keep communicating with your wife in your words and actions how important and special she is to you.
Hope this helps.
All the best
Michael