Expert: Michael Andrews - 12/17/2011

Question
I had the chance to swing with a couple and have been with also been with just her. It started out just the two of us and we talked about being attracted to one another. I knew that it was having fun since this couple has been swinging for awhile. Well after so long the two of us noticed that feelings were starting to develop and to make a long story short, we fell in love with one another. She has told me about how she loves her husband but is not "in love" with him anymore. I told her that she should work on the marriage to see if it could be salvaged but we have had talks about if it didn't that we want to be together. Now she is saying that the only reason she is staying with him is because she can't support the kids herself but she says she he isn't having fun without her anymore and wants to swing together. She talks about wanting to be with me but doesn't want to sneak around since she feels guilty. I am at a crossroads. I don't want to be the reason that they break up yet the feelings I have for her are stronger than I have EVER felt for a woman, even stronger than my exwife. What do I do?

P.S. She has said that if we were ever together that she would still want to swing since she has said that she thinks we were never meant to be with just one person.

Answer
This sounds a bit complicated and difficult and I'm not sure there is a simple solution. The way forward I think is to find out exactly how she is feeling about you and the situation.  And what about you?  What is the ideal as far as you are concerned? Would you want her to be with you? Would you be prepared to support her and her children if necessary?
It sounds like she is a little unsure of how she feels so until that is clear you don't want to do anything too drastic.
Sometimes it actually pays to do nothing. Difficult as it can be, things often have a way of resolving themselves. Just don't do anything too dramatic until the way becomes a bit clearer.
I'm sorry I can't be any more specific but you really need to get clear on the woman's position.
The best of luck to you.
Michael.