Expert: Guycurious - 12/4/2011

Question
I am a 24 year old male, 5'9", 200 lbs. My problem is somewhat of an embarrassing one which is why I think with your extensive experience you are best qualified to guide me instead of me trying to figure out my own course of action. The thing is growing up I have been a bit insecure about my size, I am maybe 4.75" or 5" erect in length and 5.5" girth. Sometime ago while online I found this chatroom called darkcavern.com, which was a chatroom about interracial sex and wives having sexual encounters with black men or other men in the presence of their husbands or behind their backs also called cuckolding. Originally I found this quite not interesting at all. After more talking I found out that the main reason for all the wives doing this was because their husbands were not so well endowed in their opinion and the other guys were bigger. However, the more I went on it the more I chatted I started staying their longer and watching videos online of that persuasion and it started to turn me on. I found this site probably a year or two ago. I have gone from not chatting to chatting and kind of roleplaying as the husband who has a wife in this and getting into graphic details. However when I went back to fantasizing about regular sex with a random girl or a friend of mine or even regular porn I do get hard but the erectins are not as firm as compared to when I am on that chatroom. Also they don't come with the same ease. This has me worried because I am still a virgin and I want to get married but I have no intentions of being in that lifestyle of sharing. Furthermore, I want to be at my hardest when I am with a real girl, gf or wife. So I have decided to stop going on that site, it's only been one day and I have also decided to stop looking at porn. will these actions help me? Will my erection be back to its full strength as it was at one point before I found about this lifestyle or have I somewhat dug myself into a hole?  Important thing to note is that I don't have any plans of doing this but I have been watching porn since 14 and at one point regular porn became too boring in someways and this seemed new and exciting. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

K"

Answer
With pornography the bar always needs to be raised to achieve the same level of arousal.  At first, pictures are enough to get excited.  Then one moves to videos of basic sex and such.  After a while this becomes the "norm" and we start to look for something a bit more radical such as S&M, bondage, roleplaying, etc.  This too can become the "norm" after a while.  You're doing what I would have recommended, take a break.  Let your mind reset a bit.

As far as the erection issue.  Erections are triggered by stimulation be it visually or by touch.  When the porn becomes boring there's nothing to stimulate the erection hence the reason we look for something more radical.  I would be willing to bet the first time you're with a female you will have no problem getting and maintaining an erection.  The experience will be brand new to you since you're a virgin and your mind will be going a mile a second !!

In my opinion, viewing porn is not detrimental to one's sexuality unless the porn takes over and you become addicted.  There are support groups out there for people who do suffer from porn addiction if you feel the need to talk with others in the same situation.

My advice, take a break.  Find something else to occupy your mind (and your hands!).  Find a hobby, go out with your friends, etc.