Expert: Michael Andrews - 12/5/2011

Question
QUESTION: Hi Michael,

I am a 24 year old male, 5'9", 200 lbs. My problem is somewhat of an embarrassing one which is why I think with your extensive experience you are best qualified to guide me instead of me trying to figure out my own course of action. The thing is growing up I have been a bit insecure about my size, I am maybe 4.75" or 5" erect in length and 5.5" girth. Sometime ago while online I found this chatroom called darkcavern.com, which was a chatroom about interracial sex and wives having sexual encounters with black men or other men in the presence of their husbands or behind their backs also called cuckolding. Originally I found this quite not interesting at all. After more talking I found out that one of the reasons for the wives doing this was because their husbands were not so well endowed in their opinion and the other guys were bigger. However, the more I went on it the more I chatted I started staying their longer and watching videos online of that persuasion and it started to turn me on. I found this site probably a year or two ago. I have gone from not chatting to chatting and kind of roleplaying as the husband who has a wife in this and getting into graphic details. However when I went back to fantasizing about regular sex with a random girl or a friend of mine or even regular porn I do get hard but the erectins are not as firm as compared to when I am on that chatroom. Also they don't come with the same ease. This has me worried because I am still a virgin and I want to get married but I have no intentions of being in that lifestyle of sharing. Furthermore, I want to be at my hardest when I am with a real girl, gf or wife. So I have decided to stop going on that site, it's only been one day and I have also decided to stop looking at porn. will these actions help me? Will my erection be back to its full strength as it was at one point before I found about this lifestyle or have I somewhat dug myself into a hole? Important thing to note is that I don't have any plans of doing this but I have been watching porn since 14 and at one point regular porn became too boring in someways and this seemed new and exciting. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

K

ANSWER: Hi there. To be honest I think you have nothing to worry about. I think you'll find that when you do meet someone and you want to have sex with them everything will be fine. Having sex 'in the flesh' is very different to the fantasies of porn. You may want to ease off on watching the porn for a while as it can become an addiction.
When you meet someone you are really attracted to you will know it's the right time and your erections will be fine.

Hope this helps.

All the best,

Michael

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks Michael,

Should I stay away from the chatroom too (darkcavern.com)? I haven't gone on it in like 3 days and I am not struggling or anything but one of the reasons for me going on there was because of the fact that regular porn vids became too boring and the same thing over and over again. However, in order to save my sex life I am willing to stay away from it. Thanks.

Karn Sharma

Answer
A good idea to stay away. Even if it's not doing you any harm (which it may be), is it doing you any good? Spend the time you would there working on making yourself the sort of guy who will attract the woman of your dreams.
Good on you for taking the first steps.
All the best
Michael