Expert: Michael Andrews - 6/14/2011

Question
We are going to Desire Resort for the first time with another couple whom we've known since college, and it's for sure that we are going to swap with them. None of us has done it before and it sounds really exciting. I thought we would have to talk the girls into it, but they were receptive. We've been naked with the other couple in our pool and there has been a lot of touching, just no intercourse. So far so good.  

Last weekend we discussed with them whether we guys should use condoms. The consensus was that since none of us have diseases and the girls are on the pill, they aren't necessary and it would be more fun, spontaneous, and natural without them.   

Afterwards, I thought about it and I'm a bit queasy about having sex with a girl who just had sex with another guy, especially my wife. I want her to have fun and have no problem at all with her having sex with my best friend (in fact I look forward to it and I know she does), but the idea of his cum in her mixing with mine a few minutes later kind of grosses me out.

I think what bothers me most is that it really turns her on for  for me to go down on her after sex (that's when she gets orgasms), and she might ask me to do that after she has had sex with him.

The other thing is that when she goes down on me she often lets me climax in her mouth. Usually she spits it out, but not always. If she does the same with my friend, well you get the idea. I don't know whether my friend's wife takes it in the mouth or not, and it's not a big deal to me.

What do swingers do?

I'm hoping that once we start fucking and sucking I'll be having such a good time that I won't care and will enjoy the mess and my best friend's cum in my mouth.

What do you think? Should I say something or just wait and see?

Answer
I think you should talk to your wife along the lines of what to do if you are in a situation you are not comfortable with. Start by saying that for the best of intentions there might be things either of you don't like and agree on a signal you can give each other which means to stop. You could also say to her something like "You know, I've been thinking there are some things I'm not sure about how I might feel if it happens. I might be fine but I'm just not sure." Tell her what they are and ask her if there is anything she has thought about that she might not comfortable with.
It's perfectly fine to have apprehensions and you're right that they may not be an issue. It's very different experiencing something as opposed to just imagining it, so it's difficult to know in advance.
Above all, try to set the tone with your wife and your friends that you are all going there for a good time and that it's important everyone feels relaxed and comfortable. Agree that any of you can ask for something to stop if you're not comfortable. Taking the pressure off is often enough in itself to ensure you have a relaxing and fun time.
As for what would swingers do? In my experience nearly all use condoms so what you're talking about isn't an issue. Make sure to pack some condoms anyway in case you meet anyone else!
Have a great time at Desire and I hope this helps.