Expert: Michael Andrews - 7/21/2011

Question
My wife (37) and I (47) have been married 14 years and been true and faithful to one another the entire time, We have 2 children still at home. I was always athletic until 5 years ago and due to Low T, I became lethargic, tired and gained a lot of weight. She lost a lot of weight this year and approached me about my tiredness. I saw a doc and and have lost 40 pounds and am taking testosterone shots, working out, getting healthy again. We had gone to a nude beach in June and I began rambling about sexual fantasies and the talk moved to group sex, to which she lit up with interest and said she could seperate love and sex and that sex was just an activity. I never heard her say that before. We toyed with the idea of swinging and I am wanting to take it slow but now she wants to go to meet and greets and really wants to try this. Should I go along or slow it down to a more comfortable pace for me? If I do slow down, will she just pursue it herself or do you think she is already having sex with someone.
Please help soon.
JM

Answer
Hi JM, I think you should have a thorough discussion with your wife and get the mindsets of both of you very clear before you do anything. In particular, you should discuss why it really is that both of you want to try swinging, what sort of scenarios you want to experience/what your feelings are about various situations should they happen, etc.
Also, it is important to make sure that your relationship remains the focus for your adventures - in other words, swinging enhances your relationship rather than fills in any 'gaps'. See if your wife feels the same way.
By being extremely honest up front and ensuring your own relationship stays at the forefront you will create a strong foundation to enjoy swinging together and the pace will naturally be right for the both of you.
I can't answer whether she is already having sex with someone, sorry, but maybe you will get an idea about this through your discussions with her.
Successful swinging is ALL about quality communication between the two of you so work on that primarily and you will see a lot of other concerns and issues resolve themselves. By the way, I go into a lot more detail about all of this (and also the best ways to meet the right people) in my book "How To Turn Your Partner Into a Swinger" (details at www.swingwithyourwife.com.)
Anyway I hope this helps! See this as a great opportunity to develop communication with your wife and expand your sexuality...at least she's already interested, so you can build on that. But first off you both must be honest with each other on really WHY you want to try swinging and what it means to you - and how you feel about each OTHER.

All the best

Michael