Expert: Guycurious - 7/18/2011

Question
My wife and I have had a few soft swap encounters before which were all pretty successful.  Last weekend we went to a stip club together and my wife ended up having some fun with another girl that was there with someone.  They asked us to their place and we agreed.  On the couch my wife started kissing the other girl (who was sitting on the floor) so I offered to make room for them and moved to the other side of the room.  The other guy then took my spot on the couch and starting fingering my wife...before I knew it... he was fucking her.  I was shocked because we have never gone this before and at this point there had been little interaction between her and him and absolutely no interaction between myself and the other girl.  When I went to her we kissed for several minutes, but she suddenly said "I can't do this." and left the apartment.  I didn't know what to do so I told my wife we are leaving...NOW.  I wasn't going to sit there watching my wife have sex with someone while I was all alone.  The other guy actually had the nerve to ask me if he could have a few more minutes.  I'm wondering if I handled it appropriately and how to proceed with my wife.  I'm upset that they got started so slowly and going into this lifestyle she wanted to make sure that we progressed at the same rate.  I'm not jelous because I've had many full swap experiences with my first wife, but I feel she moved too fast.  I also feel guilty because had things progressed fully with the other girl I probably wouldn't be feeling the same way (which is a lot to admit).  Any advice?

Answer
Your leaving when the other girl left was exactly the right move to make.  Obviously the other guy has little concern for his gf/wife otherwise he would have gone after her.  Then he had the nerve to ask for a few more minutes so he could finish.  Not the type of swinger I'd want around my wife.

Had you and your wife discussed the ground rules ?  Was there a rule in place against full swap ?  If so, then your wife has some explaining to do.  Ground rules are essential for this lifestyle.  

Start a dialogue with your wife and get feelings on this incident and go from there.  Keep the conversation calm and honest and then the two of you can decide if this is something the two of you want to continue with.