Expert: Michael Andrews - 8/14/2011

Question
My wife and I have been in the swing lifestyle since January this year.  We met a couple (I'll call them Don & Lacy) that we have been with on several occasions.  One of Don & Lacy's rules was "No separate play."  My wife and Don really hit it off and Lacy became jealous.  Lacy put a stop to the play about two months ago but my wife and Don did not want to stop so Don sneaks without Lacy's knowledge.  My wife and I have talked about this and we both consider Don to be cheating on his wife.  Our problem is we don't know what to do about it and my wife really enjoys being with Don.  Any suggestions?

Answer
Hi, a very tricky situation. I agree with you that he is definitely cheating. It really depends on your relationship with his wife. If you are friends outside of swinging and don't want to harm your friendship, then you should call it off. On the other hand there are plenty of men out there cheating on their wives and who's to say he wouldn't just go and cheat with someone else?
I guess I would also be concerned - if I was you - that something isn't developing between Don and your wife but only you can be the judge of that and of your relationship.
If you are happy playing with married men, aren't concerned about the impact it has on Don's marriage (in other words it's none of your business) and it's enhancing your own relationship with your wife (which in my view is what swinging should be) then no problem continuing. But, if you have any concerns in any of these areas, I would suggest you stop.
Hope this helps and all the best,
Michael