Expert: Michael Andrews - 1/26/2012

Question
My wife and I have been married for over ten years and (I know this is difficult to believe) have NEVER had an argument.  We are both mature (mid 30s-mid-40s) and we explore lots of different things sexually.  Neither of us has ever had a threesome to my knowledge, although we've discussed a bringing another woman into the bedroom on several occasions and I know this is something she'd like to try.  She always said she's open to it with the right person.  That person being not a complete stranger, but also not someone we'd ever have to see again in case it was awkward.  Later, when I was actually approached by a mutual acquaintance about this exact subject, my wife was reluctant, saying that she was not really attracted to the woman, but I suspected it was something else.  I pressed her for the "real" reason letting her know that if she would be honest with me, I would drop the subject.  She said she's afraid it would ruin our marriage and I have never spoken of it again.  Still, I don't want her fantasies or desires to go unfulfilled so I'm torn.  I want her to be able to experience it, but I've given my word.  I guess my question is, should I leave it alone, or give her an opportunity to change her mind?

Answer
Hi, sounds like you have a great relationship; however I think you have found the real cause of the issue when you say "she's afraid it would ruin our marriage." This a very common concern that people have when one person wants to try swinging and there is actually a straightforward answer: focus on making your wife know that she is absolutely loved and adored by you and that no one could ever take her place or be more attractive to you than her. By bring other people into your sexual experience, it's just an enhancement of your existing wonderful relationship.

This is actually the exact topic of my book, "How to Turn Your partner Into a Swinger" at www.swingwithourwife.com where I show the exact strategies on how to do this.

However, whether you read my book or not, focus on making her feel loved and adored and at the center of your universe. Once that happens the subject will come up again naturally and at the right time.

Hoep this helps and all the best to you.

Kind regards,

Michael