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Adult Swinging/Jealous, but want to continue swinging


I don't really know how to start... My husband and I have been together for 14 years. And 5 years in we started talking about the possibilities of sex with others. I was always interested but we never acted until two years ago.  We had a few threesomes with other women. He did not have sex with them, they would mainly play with me and we would orally pleasure my husband.  In the last couple months we have gone to a swing club and met a very nice couple.  Signals got crossed at some point and I had sex with the other man, my husband did not have sex with her.  We talked through it and decided we needed better communication at the club.  Last weekend we met the same couple again for a date and got a hotel room afterwards.  We split off into separate rooms. ( we had talked the week prior of staying all in the same room.) I don't know where the communication breakdown came from again.  We both had a great time.  But I was thinking the whole time about what he and her were doing.  My husband said he had a great time. He didn't seem to worried about what I was doing.  I can't stop thinking about it and wondering what was happening over there. I wanted us all to be together.  I'm jealous and feel almost left out even tho I was with the other man.  I told my husband this and he felt bad.  I dont know how to get over this.  I almost feel like I do t want him to have sex with other women now.  But at the same time I want to keep having sex with other men. Can you help me clear my head? I'm so confused :(

Hi Shell, Jealousy is something that most people who try swinging have to deal with at some stage.
Ask yourself - what are the feelings, thoughts and beliefs that are causing me to feel bad about the thought of my husband having sex with other women?
Then ask yourself - what are all the reasons why you enjoy swinging and having sex with other men? How does it affect your feelings towards your husband?
Now imagine your husband having exactly the same feelings when he has sex with other women.
Can you see that really it's quite separate from your feelings towards each other?
Talking with your husband would also help. The key is to realize that sex with other people is just a bit of fun for your husband too and doesn't need to affect how he feels about you.
Hope this helps,

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Michael Andrews


Couples sexuality, swinging, relationships


Speaker, author, publisher and workshop presenter in the areas of couples relationships and sexuality. Author of "How To Turn Your Partner Into a Swinger" and "The Sexless Marriage Cure", both available from Amazon Kindle bookstore.

Author, "How To Turn Your Partner Into a Swinger", available at Consulting editor, "Real Intimacy: the 9 Habits of Great Relationships", available at Free Report, "How to Reignite the Passion in Your Relationship" available from

MA (Hons), DipBus

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