Adult Swinging/First time jitters


Hi. I am a woman in my thirties and my husband and I have been thinking about having a threesome for a long time. We have finally decided to try it, and have found someone that we both like. I am excited, but also nervous! Do you have any advice for first timers? Also, I confided in a friend of mine about this and she said that something must be missing in our relationship if we are considering letting a third party in our bedroom. But our relationship is great, better than it's ever been! She made me feel a bit insecure. She basically implied that swingers can't really love their husband/wife/life partner and still crave sex with someone else. But I think there is a difference between love and sex. Could you please share your thoughts with me? Also, in your opinion what is the best way to meet potential mates? Swing clubs, strip clubs, swingers magazines etc Thank you very much for your time. I appreciate it.

Heya thanks for giving us a chance to answer a question for you.  I apologize for the time frame but with the holidays things have been a bit busier for us lately!  That being said...I applaud you.  We started off in the swinging lifestyle looking for a threesome.  We wanted another lady to join us in the bedroom.  I actually did most  of the research, and was semi-jealous going into it all, but it was something I wanted even more than Jeff.  I am bi-sexual so the thought of adding another female to the bedroom, was a win/win for both of us.  Our lifestyle experience kind of exploded from there.

I also commend your bravery on letting a vanilla friend (aka non-lifestyler) in on your secret.  That is always one of the hardest things to do, mainly because of the reaction you encountered.  We say, don't let her opinion, change yours!  There is ABSOLUTELY a difference between love and sex.  A lot people that claim it is the same thing, those are the ones we like to assume have something missing in their lives.  There are so many differences between the two.  We have found that during our time in the lifestyle, the couples we encounter are far more in love, than the vanilla folks just going through the motions.  I won't claim that there is a 100% satisfaction rate to the lifestyle, because there isn't.  It's not for everyone.  If you do try it out, and find that it IS for you...that's when the real fun begins.

As for being nervous the first time, it's really no different than having sex with a new partner for the first time.  I mean there is always a tinge of nervousness to it.  That is perfectly normal.  The best advice we can offer here, is to not over think it!  If you do, that's when things get complicated.  Just go with it!  Let the mood take you where it goes.  Never set a plan in stone with no alterations to it possible.  Our basic feeling is this: “We never expect to play the first time we meet someone, but are always prepared to.”

As for the best way to meet people, Swinger sites & swinger clubs.  The magazines are always full of misinformation, and lies about who the person is.  The websites have a plethora of pictures, to ensure who you are talking to, and you can always ask for more through contact.  Strip clubs are more of a fantasy than a reality.  You have to be VERY straight forward and risk getting tossed out by management, due to prostitution risks (We actually used to be managers on an adult entertainment complex.  Strip club, adult store, bar, etc).  The best step to take in my opinion is sign up for a swinger site or 3, and check out the club and/or party listings which are usually free.  

The 3 sites we were/are members of are: – Covers Western Regions – Covers Midwest – Covers Eastern Regions

The links are just the 3 biggest ones we know of offhand, and they do cover nationally as well.  Just the majority of the activity that is noticeable seems to come from the listed regions on each site.

Once you get signed up for a party or event you can go, with no expectations to get involved, unless you want to, and see how you feel once there.  A lot of times people will reach out to contact others going to the parties before hand in hopes of making plans at the event.

I hope you find that special piece to the missing puzzle and you all have a great time exploring new things, and new people.  I will leave you with 1 last thing.  Before you go to any parties or events, you must have 3 things.  If you don't have them, DO NOT GO.

1: Set ground rules!  (Sex together only, no kissing, etc.  Whatever you are aren't comfortable with)
2: Communication:  You must be able to talk to each other about likes/dislikes an anything in between...Including encounters.
3: Trust:  If you have ANY sort of distrust within your relationship...fix it before you go any further.  Don't confuse jealousy with distrust.  It's ok to be a little bit jealous, as that can sometimes make the after sex even better.  

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Jenn & Jeff


We can answer questions based on introduction to swinging, what to expect in the lifestyle, swinger clubs, etiquette, and pretty much anything else. We can offer insight based on cheaters, safe sex, and multiple partners. What if only 1 half is interested? We can answer that too.


We have been involved in the lifestyle for over 2 years, as well as Sexperts for California Exotics. We run an adult based blog, where we offer news and articles based on sexual health and relationships.


We have no educational credentials, but we do have first hand knowledge and experience.

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