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Adult Swinging/How we politely turn down a couple?



We are pretty new to the swinging life style, but are enjoying it so far.  We belong to a website and have chatted with other couples.  My husband seems to be more picky than I am.  Not that I am not picky!  Maybe less open minded is better.  I am willing to meet a couple even if I do not find one of them really attractive because I feel that meeting them and finding that they are awesome people can make them more attractive.  You could also meet a very attractive couple and find out they are assholes and be turned off too.  Neither one of us wants to take one for the team so to speak.  So, if we do go and meet a couple that only one of is really into and we decide we only want friendship, what is the best way to let them down easy?  Both my husband tend to be pleasers and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  But we don't want to do something just to please other people. I know we are all adults and it should just be easy to say it, but sometimes it is hard. We had one experience where we just declined a chat and the people got pissed and told us to block much for being drama free!  Thanks for your advice...

I'm glad to see you all are enjoying your time in the lifestyle.  The absolute easiest and most polite way to turn someone down just be straightforward about it.  Most people in the lifestyle have been turned down before and they understand and just prefer an honest answer.  If someone contacts you on the site and asks to meet up and you aren't interested, just say so.  I know it's easier said than done, however I have also asked the same question on a websites forums in the past.  If you're open to meeting a couple for dinner or drinks to see where the night goes let them know upfront that playtime is not to be expected.  This way, with no expectations you can find out if you're truly interested in a couple.

However if it turns out you know upfront you're not interested in a couple the best thing to do is say thanks but no thanks.  People tend to feel led on or hurt if you drag it out, as they have come to think you were interested.

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Jenn & Jeff


We can answer questions based on introduction to swinging, what to expect in the lifestyle, swinger clubs, etiquette, and pretty much anything else. We can offer insight based on cheaters, safe sex, and multiple partners. What if only 1 half is interested? We can answer that too.


We have been involved in the lifestyle for over 2 years, as well as Sexperts for California Exotics. We run an adult based blog, where we offer news and articles based on sexual health and relationships.


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